Wow, what a crazy roller coaster this adventure called life is today.
Tomorrow I get to go meet Wes's mother. We have been together for 3 years now, we have a 2 year old daughter and I finally get to meet the living relatives!!! He has taken me to meet his father, well to see his fathers headstone. We saw his Grandparents headstones, his uncles even his step fathers headstone. We have had Christmas's and Birthdays and life all without his family. Never even a phone call to his mother, 2 brothers and sister. Why you ask have we not met, I don't really know. They just don't seem to be a close family. I am so afraid that I am going to do something wrong that his mother won't like but I know it will be OK. Part of it is that I miss my own mother so much that I am hoping to be able to borrow his. I hope to have a more growing family since this last year mine has shrunk so much. So I am excited too. And I am feeling a little squirrely since my clean date is coming up on Elvis's Birthday. I will have four years on the 8th of this month and wow. Wow is all I can say.
I think also that I am suffering from post Christmas Blues. We had such a great time at Christmas, the excitement and anticipation of Christmas was so magical and everything went so nicely and it could have been bad but I was able to enjoy it so much because of being clean and working a program and now it's over.
I forgot to call my Uncle today, I was told that he has cancer and I have been a little busy but I did manage to get the word out to everyone in the family via email. As you can see I am all over the place and can't seem to quiet my thinking. I went to a meeting tonight and my daughter went with me and I shared. I shared about Captain Stupid and how much pain the letter put me in. I cried and I shared very honestly in front of her and she ran out of the room crying. So I am a little shook up about that but the last time she went to her counselor she was given an assignment to write a letter to her biological father about how she felt about the stupid letter that completely excluded her. Well she had just told me that she had nothing to write to him about, now though, her letter is two pages long. So maybe a little dose of honesty will help. Not that it doesn't hurt mind you but sometimes that is just how things are, life hurts and we hurt and we work through our pains however possible, clean. Then we can move on with our lives.
I did not mean to hurt her with what I had to say but when I share it is very candid and honest. And when you are in a meeting that is how you work through things. And I do feel better and I do feel squirrely and I know I can pray about it and it will be OK. I hate my Stupid Ex Boyfriend and I hate Cancer!!! I hope my sponsor is having a safe trip and I hope tomorrow goes well. I hope my daughter works out her feelings and I hope. I hope today and that is my miracle, because life does not beat me down today. I hope today;"All the darkness in the world can not extinguish the light of a single candle." --Francis of Assisi