Friday, May 27, 2011

friday post

my body aches from head to toe my fingers are blistered from heat gun my house looks like an abandoned shack 4 days and three helpers sure make a difference. stripping off paint from such an old house causes me pain and hours of doubt that this will never be complete. soon this chore will be finished though and my prize is my dream house waiting for us. inspection is rescheduled and the sellers have been warned.

 i have help all weekend and then on Wednesday and Thursday my sister is coming her husband is such a big help, even my baby brother tried to help out. my honey has been working all week and was worried, we would not get much done. i should say he was worried i would not get much done. been out every morning at 9 in the am, just got in and realized i missed flash fiction Friday again. sorry g!! gonna have to wait until the move is complete. 

i realize there are people who are obsessed with what i write and will twist every single thing i say. yes i am still having issues with family. well i may not be able to stop them from reading my posts, and i am also not going to allow them to run me out of my blog. i have been worried about posting anything with such rage and anger aimed at me. what can i say, being me has created a lot of enemies in my life. and while they may obsess and continue to spew hate at me via the internet, i just don't need to read what they say. i am committing myself to avoid said cyberspaces to save what little sanity i have managed to create in my insane brain.

i am just exhausted. my back is spasming right now, i think i need a heating pad... 

that just leaves me with today's thought; "What worries you, masters you."- Haddon W. Robinson

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

morning update

well i have been excused from jury duty. hooray. it rained some last night, we were blessed not to see any tornados. oklahoma got hit and so did my friends in larned kansas. there were a few tornado's last night. so i guess i was supposed to be home with my girls instead of at an inspection. they were pretty scared. it is gloomy out today, i will make some oatmeal and have some coffee and wait for my helpers. we will start stripping the paint again today. We were out there after dark last night. when the rain stopped we started.

not much else to talk about. i did not got to the regional business meeting last month, i am glad to have missed it we put an offer on our new home that weekend. i was finished with my work there and they didn't want my humble opinions anyway. i need to figure out how to sell this avon. not doing so well with it.

i think sometimes i am not cut out for such things as retail sales. then other days i can do really well with it. some of the  tactics these women are telling us to do are just not for me. i would like to get into presidents club, however i don't think i am willing to sell to people who are not really interested. i have this one gal for instance, she decided to order some perfume, now she won;t call me back. so i can't deliver yet i still owe for the product and it is going to cost me to send it back. sell i am going to send it back. and give her number to my sister. if she wants to order then that happens to be a product my sister actually keeps in stock, i don't have stock i did not start selling to spend money, i am trying to make money. now i have a couple of customers who order and then when i tell them the orders are in they come here and pay me, no driving around trying to find them, using up my gas, and it works out well. if i find a few more like that it would be fun to sell avon.

heading to get some fresh coffee and check on my peeps. gotta call some different inspectors and get my realtor on the line and set up another inspection this week. i am not waiting until the last minute to get this done. 
todays thought; "One can't have wisdom without living life."- Kianoush

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

inspection update

my inspection got cancelled apparently nobody contacted the seller to schedule this. she would not let the inspector in the house. i don't get it, we have 10 days after signing the contract, which we did last week on the 17th. am i supposed to contact this lady? i thought that was the realtor's job. i mean really we scheduled this last week i did it myself. i was told we were good to go. now my agent is saying next week. well i don't have until next week i am contacting a new inspector and she can send an alternate if she is busy. i am pissed off right now.

we are stripping paint off the house now. he is out there, the storm passed and he went back out to strip more paint. i am watching 4 kids in the house right now and i feel completely useless. will post picks as soon as we get in the house for inspection.

gotta call in to jury duty now and see what else i need to do to complete my civil duty.

tuesday, some honest ramblings

well i talked with my auntie yesterday. it was good to laugh with her. she was my mothers best friend. we both miss her very much. we discussed what my sister said about her and both of us had a laugh. we also discussed what she said about me, in her little blog she called me a 'crack-whore' and said that i was a bad person who couldn't stand the truth. well if you have been following me long you know the truth is pretty much what i stand for.

so i told her if she was going to say things about me she needed to get it right. first off i was never a crack- whore. i hated crack that was the one drug i couldn't stand i shot up meth. second, i never sold my body for dope, i robbed retail stores. so if your going to say anything about this little recovering addict please, get it right. and by the way i have paid my restitution and my last time getting high was january 7, 2005. january 8 is my clean date. currently i am on step 9 and yes i need a meeting. i am in intensive therapy and working on myself very well.

some of the things this girl said was that i am a bad mother and that i owe her thousands of dollars. i don't owe her anything. she tried to blackmail me about two years ago to give her money because she was being kicked out of her apartment. then she drove to california where she proceeded to bleed my auntie dry. she brought her children and lived off her for a month. my auntie had to have her move. she owes my auntie money and left town whithout saying anything, now that my auntie has cut her off of money she has turned on her has well.

it is really sad how she lies about everyone in our family. she gets a little bit of the truth and twists up the rest so she can get people to think she is a victim. we all were victims growing up in that house, really. we all survived somehow. i know my sister is angry and now she has burned bridges. my auntie begged me not to tell her of my new big house or she would she up at my doorstep. i said no way would i let her in the house. her m.o. is to claim so and so tried to rape her and we let them. i say 'so and so' because if you ask her everyone tried so far and you know cause she is such a catch. i am a rape survivor and look down upon women who use it as a weapon. my sister is one of those who does this and if i ever let her in my house she would say my man tried to rape her. the only reason she hasn't said that now is because they have never met. so she simply said he is an asshole.

in any case i am back to blogging this is my realm, i have my peeps who have seen me post in bpd mode and come out of it. yes i said it and i have been diagnonsensed with 'borderline personality disorder'. there i said it. and i am proud to say i am not on medication and the intensive group and dialectical therapy seem to work wonders. i really am grateful for it. i am sure my older sister has it, and my little brother may have been misdiagnosed with bi polar because i think his is more borderline. the difference between bi-polar and borderline is that bi-polar cycles last weeks even months, borderline hit fast and hard last for a few hours or a day and then you come out of it and feel better, sort of. i always feel bad that it happened.

i am ok with my self today. my brother and sister, the ones here in the same state as myself, no matter how much we get angry, we are always here for each other. it is like we have an understanding that we all grew up in hell together and this is the by product and we try to be here for each other as best we can. my little sister i swear has sociopath tendencies. it scares me how different her sickness is. i hope she finds good things but i will not let her near my children without an apology to my aunt, myself and my siblings. she has said terrible things about my parents and that is fine, i know they did the best they could, but seriously they should have done better, also she needs to show some kind of proof that she is in serious therapy to deal with her issues. i am not trying to be judgemental but i have seen and read what she has posted and the lies are dangerous and i need to protect my family. my little ones are not going to continue the cycle. i model good behavior and they are amazing because of it. i don't need to add dangerous elements in their life today. that is what happened to us as kids my folks allowed bad people in and they ignored the truth.

we have inspection on our house today. i will take pictures to post so you can see how wonderful this home is!! we have people helping us strip the paint off this house so we can get it sold. hopefully the outside will be painted before closing in June.

oh and i called into jury duty, i am a stand by juror and they said to call back after 5pm, so i did that last night and thery told me to call again today after 5pm. i swear this reminds me of when i first got clean and i had to call my P.O. for random pee tests. has anyone else pulled jury duty? is it like this everywhere? it kind of sucks. ok i gotta make some coffee so i can catch up on everyone out there. hey g-man just got your comment!! i miss you too!!!

todays thought; "When we fall on the ground it hurts us, but we also need to rely on the ground to get back up."- Kathleen McDonald

Monday, May 23, 2011

I am here

Gosh it has been over a month. So much has happened. I have decided to continue blogging. Before I go on I must say I blocked someone from seeing my blog. While I do not believe in censorship, I do believe in keeping my sanity. 

To me it is like shutting off Fox news. I don't watch that channel. Drives me crazy how those people perpetuate lies about the nation to get their republican goals met. Like when they wanted the president to be deemed un-American, the birther crap. Well no matter how much you say it isn't true, the fact remains he was born in the United States, your lies can't change that. So instead of arguing with a television set, or bringing up these inane controversies, like the teachers union making too much money at 56,000 per year (by the way the teachers in my state barely clear 24,000), when 6 months ago these same people were spewing that those who made over 250,000 were in poverty so we would extend the bush tax cuts is a complete lie. Just thinking about it gets me stirred up, so I simply don't watch it and I try not to engage. I am aware though.

The same goes for the person I blocked. They are family and insane and spewing insane lies and backpedaling. When she saw that I deleted myself as a follower she chose to lash out against me. I am simply not wanting to watch her spew lies and put herself into this self made isolating prison. She has said lies about my whole family and that is simply what her life has brought her to. She knows nothing of me and my family yet she tried to blackmail me into sending her money, then lied to my niece about never doing that. She lies so much that she wouldn't know the truth even if it fell out of the sky landed on her face and wiggled. I do not wish her harm I wish her well. She has no financial future, and now has completely burned every bridge in the family. Reading her lies makes me as mad as watching Fox news. Just because she wrote it does not make it true. Yet it makes me just as angry and I don't need anger in my life today. So to protect myself I need to distance myself and allow her to do what she feels is best for herself. Nothing I can say will change her she has to find her own way in life and now she has to do it alone.

As for wes, I can't really talk about it, my brother posted his full name on facebook, he meant well but it was not good, as he said my honey has 'acute leukemia' and he does not have that,  that kind is a death sentence. But to post stuff like that on the internet, particularly facebook, where potential employers look people up could deem him unemployable. Even though that is illegal we all know it goes on. The good news is he is not dying.

Even better we bought a house!! 2500 square feet of heaven!! it is so beautiful. We close on June 24th. We have been super busy packing and getting this home ready to sell. I will continue to keep you posted and try to play on Friday. Group therapy ends on Thursday it is my last session with the group and I am sad. I have had a wonderful time learning about this disease I have and working with these people who struggle much the same way I do.

By the way I received a summons in the mail, I m a 'stand by juror'. Don't know what that means but I have to call in a couple of hours to see if I have to report. So I need some breakfast and a shower, working on the house all day yesterday got me sun burnt and stinky!! I think it would be cool to be a juror. a decider of fate. plus I am nosy!!

OK well I am going to make some wonderful fresh roasted Costa Rica coffee and catch up on my peeps. Thanks for sticking around!!

Today's thought; "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."- Howard Thurman