Thursday, January 8, 2009
Reflecting on This Year
I know I have read some new years blogs on January 1st in reflecting on the year, but my new year starts tomorrow. I have four years today. I am sitting here and I just finished my 6th step and I am feeling pretty good right now. It is hard to imagine where the last four years has gone but I am glad that they are in the past, because where I am today is so much better then where I was then. This year was very difficult for me, last year was worse, last year I spent taking care of my mother who had End Stage Renal Failure and Lung Cancer. I watched her deteriorate to nothingness and had struggled with getting any help in taking care of her. I bathed and fed and taxied her everywhere, I am grateful that I have this fellowship because I was able to do so in a loving way. She was able to keep her dignity and I didn't have to be angry at her while I took care of her. I had a 1 and 2 year old to care for as well and boy did it get hectic. I feel like I spent an entire year going to meetings and crying out my frustrations. But I didn't act out on them to my mother or my family. I am very proud of that accomplishment. I was with my mother on my 3rd birthday and she told me she was very proud of me. I believe her. I know she had periods of dementia but I am pretty sure she was lucid then. I watched my mother die on January 15th. I will blog more about that then, it will be the right time then. This is the first year I have spent without her and I miss her very much.
I fulfilled several service commitments for my fellowship and took on a couple more. I learned how to work a digital camera and I have over 12,000 pictures to boot. I also learned the basics of photoshop and have wonderful artwork I have uploaded a picture of my Haley that I retouched in photoshop, just to show you a sample of my work. I have had extensive dental work done and I stayed away from prescription pain pills during that , I also had knee surgery and stayed away from Percocets as well I read my 5th step to my sponsor and I just finished my 6th. I have listened to Suze Orman and have paid down my bad debt and I almost have my credit cleaned up. I am getting ready to take a key boarding class and even though the college we went to last night did not offer what I was looking for I did not get discouraged and I am ready to go to another school to see what they have to offer. I created the artwork for this years annual convention and I am very excited to see the 6x8 foot banner with my design on it. I got involved with my local community and went out and caucused in the snow for 4 hours. It was so much fun, I am an Obama girl and I even did some real campaigning this year. It was a real experience to get involved in the political process. I learned how to blog this last year. That is one of the most amazing experiences, outside of recovery, because it is such a wonderful feeling to be a part of this community. Thanks so much Cliff at WIXY's Gone Banana's for mentioning me in your blog, I felt so special I started to cry. It is such a great feeling not to be alone anymore. I feel very happy today and very positive where my life is going. It isn't always easy but I have faith today and today I know the bad stuff passes.
I know I have had bad things happen to me and without the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and the involvement I have put into it I would have not been able to see the good in those experiences today. I would be a very angry and selfish person were it not for the step work I am doing and the willingness I have to be a better person today. My thought today is this: "Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with
what happens to him."--Aldous Huxley -Thank you to everyone for your words of encouragement and just for being here today. Q.