Thursday, January 8, 2009

Reflecting on This Year


I know I have read some new years blogs on January 1st in reflecting on the year, but my new year starts tomorrow. I have four years today. I am sitting here and I just finished my 6th step and I am feeling pretty good right now. It is hard to imagine where the last four years has gone but I am glad that they are in the past, because where I am today is so much better then where I was then. This year was very difficult for me, last year was worse, last year I spent taking care of my mother who had End Stage Renal Failure and Lung Cancer. I watched her deteriorate to nothingness and had struggled with getting any help in taking care of her. I bathed and fed and taxied her everywhere, I am grateful that I have this fellowship because I was able to do so in a loving way. She was able to keep her dignity and I didn't have to be angry at her while I took care of her. I had a 1 and 2 year old to care for as well and boy did it get hectic. I feel like I spent an entire year going to meetings and crying out my frustrations. But I didn't act out on them to my mother or my family. I am very proud of that accomplishment. I was with my mother on my 3rd birthday and she told me she was very proud of me. I believe her. I know she had periods of dementia but I am pretty sure she was lucid then. I watched my mother die on January 15th. I will blog more about that then, it will be the right time then. This is the first year I have spent without her and I miss her very much.
I fulfilled several service commitments for my fellowship and took on a couple more. I learned how to work a digital camera and I have over 12,000 pictures to boot. I also learned the basics of photoshop and have wonderful artwork I have uploaded a picture of my Haley that I retouched in photoshop, just to show you a sample of my work. I have had extensive dental work done and I stayed away from prescription pain pills during that , I also had knee surgery and stayed away from Percocets as well I read my 5th step to my sponsor and I just finished my 6th. I have listened to Suze Orman and have paid down my bad debt and I almost have my credit cleaned up. I am getting ready to take a key boarding class and even though the college we went to last night did not offer what I was looking for I did not get discouraged and I am ready to go to another school to see what they have to offer. I created the artwork for this years annual convention and I am very excited to see the 6x8 foot banner with my design on it. I got involved with my local community and went out and caucused in the snow for 4 hours. It was so much fun, I am an Obama girl and I even did some real campaigning this year. It was a real experience to get involved in the political process. I learned how to blog this last year. That is one of the most amazing experiences, outside of recovery, because it is such a wonderful feeling to be a part of this community. Thanks so much Cliff at WIXY's Gone Banana's for mentioning me in your blog, I felt so special I started to cry. It is such a great feeling not to be alone anymore. I feel very happy today and very positive where my life is going. It isn't always easy but I have faith today and today I know the bad stuff passes.
I know I have had bad things happen to me and without the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and the involvement I have put into it I would have not been able to see the good in those experiences today. I would be a very angry and selfish person were it not for the step work I am doing and the willingness I have to be a better person today. My thought today is this: "Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with
what happens to him."
--Aldous Huxley -Thank you to everyone for your words of encouragement and just for being here today. Q.

13 comments:

Woody Jr said...

YEAH!!! Four years is AWESOME!!! I need recovering people like you! Keep it up one day ata time!

J-Online said...

Congrats! This is awesome. Go check out my blog for some well wishes!

Syd said...

I got a link to you through Jenn. Many congratulations on 4 years of recovery. It sounds as if you have been through a lot. Yet you have found the secret to joy through the program. Best wishes.

LarryG said...

Hey CC! Happy Birthday girl!
You are the bomb baby!

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Happy fourth birthday! May you have many more!
Nice blog you've got here :) Jenn or mentioned your blog. you look like you've got your hands full! what with children, recovery, and everything! Way to go!

Lou said...

Nice story. Happy Birthday!

cw2smom said...

Congrats and Happy 4th Birthday! Blessings to you and yours! Lisa

Shadow said...

my god but you have achieved, accomplished and dealt with a helluva lot this year. you should be SUPER proud of yourself. congratulations sweet girl and i look forward to spending the next year with you!

Laura said...

Congratulations! I came over from J-Online's blog and am glad I did. You have done really, really well in the past four years.

God bless you as you begin your
5th year!

Hootin' Anni said...

This was so uplifting to read. You keep it up. 4 years is a lifetime of great things to come to you.

I'm trying to play catch up again...computer froze on me yesterday. So, I'm doing my "Thursday" visiting on Friday. Go figure.

Hope you have a super day.

Scott W said...

Congratulations! Keep coming back!

74WIXYgrad said...

One thing about blogging is you can have friends from all over the world. I've been amazed at the AA, Al-Anon, and NA members I've had around at my blog. I thank God that I've never been addicted to anything.

But there are a whole bunch of bloggers around who like to read stories that have happy endings where the writer is winning.

I like to send bloggers to other blogs. It gives them something good to read and I allso get new readers, which is a benefit I don't expect.

C&C, you are a good person and a WINNER. Keep up the good work!

~Tyra~ said...

Congrats on 4 years!!!