Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Feelin' the Burn Baby!!


It's official, I am a sloth!! I am so out of shape I can't stand myself. I just got back from the Y and only did 2 laps in the pool and my back is killing me, and I feel like I am going to throw up!! To give you some perspective, it takes 70 laps to finish 1 mile and I ran out of steam with 2!! I even had cramps in my side. I have a slight head ache and I have water in my ears. Needless to say this does nothing for my self esteem. I should have just done my 20 minutes on the elliptical.
So what is my lesson in this venture, I don't know, but I do know that I am out of shape, unless you compare me to a pear!! So I really need to quit waffling with the gym I go then I stop. I make excuses not to go then I go for a week. What am I to do with myself. This water in my ears is really annoying, could that cause infection. I haven't swam in years (thank you captain Obvious) and it is very humbling. No let me say how I really feel, I was humiliated with myself. Here is the funny part, my arms aren't tired and neither are my legs, it is everything in between that hurts, I don't even know if I can eat dinner. I don't even swim in a straight line the life guard blew her whistle at me. OK I am really tired of being overweight. I am tired of needing really big clothes. I know that I need to work out for my health but I really want to lose weight. I refuse to take diet pills and my biggest problem is my appetite. It is like I eat to stuff my I don't know what but I am stuffing something and I don't feel good not having energy. I think I need to try swimming more but the only reason I even got in the pool was because my daughter was there. I have a fear of going out in my swim dress by myself.
I am so frustrated with myself and I needed to share that. Also I need to share that I have less time to blog because of thing one and thing two, note the cute picture at the top, they need constant attention and I need to be more productive at home since this blog doesn't bring in any income and we need to tighten our belts like everyone else and I feel like a big bill instead of a help. I really need a meeting but tonight I need to take my daughter to counseling and then the night will be over. I will listen to a meeting when I get home. There is an internet radio station called euphoria recovery radio.com and it plays NA speaker tapes 24 hours a day, so I will tune in to that and catch up on the comments of what the rest of my blogger buddies are up to. Maybe I will tell you about my wayward brother and the wonderful letter I got from him this week. For todays thought:"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."-Eleanor Roosevelt

7 comments:

cw2smom said...

Oh I sooo understand. I am as heavy as I've ever been and I am so mad at myself for stuffing food down when I am bored or upset! I used to love to walk and I have a treadmill right here in the house, that I haven't been on since I bought it, secondhand. Arrgggh! Glad you found a recovery radio station. That's really cool! Thanks for your very sweet comment on my blog! Blessings, Lisa

Syd said...

I like the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. Hey, you got in the pool and you did 2 laps. Maybe tomorrow you'll do four. I have found that realistic goals are better than trying to do it all at once. You're working at it--that's important.

Fireman John said...

hate to burst your self-deprecating bubble, but you are doing the most important, difficult job anyone can do...parenting; and it sounds like you are quite good at it.
remember, the best things in life
aren't things. fret not the lack of exercise, and maybe include the family in a group workout.

Shadow said...

that quote is very very clever.....

start with little things. to get fit, to change your diet. even the little things perk up the mind which makes you feel better which motivates you which will make you add another little thing etc etc etc. good luck.

Lou said...

re: exercise-any little bit is good. Take it slow, or no wonder you will get discouraged. Start with walking 1/4 mile..do that as long as you want..then go to 1/2 mile. You only need to give it 30 minutes a day to see results. That said, sobriety first! Best of luck whatever you decide!

~Tyra~ said...

I hear ya, I'm hoping to get back into exercise slowly soon.

I have an award for you on my blog, stop by soon.

74WIXYgrad said...

The fact that you are trying and you have started doing something about what you perceive to be a problem is the first step to getting it solved. You didn't get overweight overnight. You got there by taking the extra bite again and again.

I went to my doctor yesterday and went over results of my latest bloodwirk. My blood glucose is up and so is my bad cholesterol. I need to lose weight like yesterday, but my wife and I will go to the mall tomorrow and start walking.