oh wow i got in!!

blogger won't let me post or comment on my peeps or my post. i tried this about 20 times, is anyone else having trouble with clicking on the 'new post' button, i keep getting error 503?

so the kids have a cough which means no gym today, maybe i can go tonight and let my oldest babysit. i do not want other kids getting a cough. oh wait i am babysitting myself, shoot. so i need to figure out something to make for dinner for the squad ok.

i have really cleaned my home nicely and removed a lot of the summer clutter getting ready for winter. i went to a meeting last night and heard a member share about acting out in old defects is usually a sign of fear. i needed to hear that, because i was snapping at the girls yesterday and haley was pitching some pretty good fits. i have come to see that her fit pitching is a direct result of my behavior and i have been doing so good not holloring at all, and trust and beleive it has taken a lot of effort on my part to keep calm when talking with my babies, but it is so worth it.

fractal mom left me the most wonderful and objective comment when i posted about my 4 year olds fits and i accidentally deleted it, i think she was correct in her assesment though and haley felt very powerless and i think the powerlessness was over me. she is doing so much better and so am i and i really appreciate that. and the cutest thing happened today, the bean was acting out and she smacked haley in the face, so haley came and told me instead of hitting back, then i simply told the bean to go to her room, please, with the door shut. so she went, no fuss, then a few minutes later she said from her room 'i blow the angry out mommy'. we read this book that talked about what you can do when you are angry and one of the suggestions is to blow the anger out, hard.

so i let her come out after i told her to apologize to haley and give her a hug and a kiss.

i am glad i went to a meeting last night, i know what my fear is and there is really not much i can do about it and today, just for today, i am ok with it. for me today success is not getting it right, success is seeing when i get it wrong, and then do something to fix it.

ok today i am powerless over blogger and it is trying to shut me out so i am signing off and will try to post a 55 tonight, though i haven't found a muse..

todays thought; "It's not about how to achieve your dreams, it's about how to lead your life, ... If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you." - randy pausch