weekend update

we have the costumes ready. i am so excited the girls are going to look so cute. the boys costume needs help though i never sewn anything in my life and this looks really funny. the sleeves are two different sizes and i don't know how to do the part where your head goes through so i left a slit big enough for my nephews big head and his shoulders come though!! if i sew it closer his big head won't fit through! so i asked my sister if she had a yellow t-shirt he could wear under it i guess ever a white t-shirt will do. next she has not gotten anything for her older sons costume and i cannot understand her thinking. i asked her over a month ago about Halloween so we wouldn't be scrambling at the last minute. my kids however will be darling, can't wait to post the pictures. i feel guilty cause theirs turned out so well but it was really easy to cut 2 circles out of felt and use a marker to outline them in black and write "thing 1 and 2" on them. we got our pumpkins last night and we even got our Halloween treats for trick or treaters. We got a couple of packages of spider rings and vampire teeth. there's about 70 pieces total which should be plenty, last year we did not have many kids coming. and i didn't want a bunch of candy in the house and the candy costs about 3X what the toys cost and will result in less cavities.

i am back on my diet, i told myself i could have a doughnut, and candy and Chinese food this weekend. well i did have some homemade enchiladas, yum, and i had some toast and i had some chocolate pudding. not too bad, and on Sunday i even had a carbless lunch. my back is killing me this morning, i slept on the couch, big mistake. i need to go to the gym but my bean is with fever, has been all weekend. she is fine now though and i was debating going anyway but it would be cruel to subject other kids to her bug, whatever it may be just for my own motives. i will go for a walk after breakfast i think.

i am very upset right now, not sure where this anger is coming from. i feel very isolated. my children have not let me sleep through the night and it is not their fault they do not feel good. then my brother drunk dialed me at 12:30 at night and i could have killed him. i just hung up on him. i told him he just woke my kids up. there wasn't even an emergency. i am very tired and feel guilty about just wanting to go back to sleep. we got notice from our wonderful insurance company about the latest medical bill. We owe another $1500 for this bill. i don't know how much more of this we can take. the policy is written very, very tricky so it is confusing to understand. our understanding was when we spent our annual allowance for the family then we would need to spend a total of $2000 out of pocket and that number conveniently keeps going up it is now that amount per person. but once we met that amount they now are claiming that that number was for in network providers and this bill is for an out of network provider. when i tried to ask Wes about it, he said it is what it is and we need to pay it, i am not happy about it but there is nothing i can do. When he said that he took away my personal power to have anything to say about these medical bills. i told him we should find another insurance company and he said that this is the best we are going to get. i felt like saying why because you say so?!? now the politicians are pulling the public option off the table. so even if this bill, now that it has been gutted, makes it through it will be worthless. i am seriously thinking of putting "A" and Haley back on state medical. there were no out of pocket expenses when i was on welfare. i am so sick of hearing people bad mouth health care reform. i am so sick of Fox news, rush Limbaugh and glenn beck. they say the public option will bring an end to free enterprise!? here is a newsflash for your free market on companies making money off sick people, my sister and her husband make less than half the annual salary we make. they just had 3 vacations this year, their sons have health insurance through the state. remember when i said she was in the hospital twice this summer for a mini stroke and seizures? i told her about our medical bills and she said, oh i don't pay those, that is why i have bad credit. like nothing. no big deal. do you know how many Americans are doing this? do you? maybe you should look around where you live and ask yourself how many people are not paying those doctor bills. and then ask yourself if we should have a mandate for health care. and if you are worrying about giving it to those who can't afford it, well guess what the hell we are doing now? plus our emergency rooms are packed, not just with addicts, but with people who do not have coverage so they wait until it is an emergency and they don't get turned away, do you really think they pay those bills? Shame on the members of the media who do not show the facts. i mean they tried to down play the amount of people who do not have health care coverage and it was a bold face lie. and there were so many suckers out there who just ate it up.

truth is i want the public option back on the table. trust and believe i will be signing up for that insurance. because i have had it before and it is great insurance. they payed 100 percent and i only had a $3.00 co-pay for prescriptions. oh, wait but you tax payers footed that bill, this time i would actually have a premium. and why is that bad? who ever coined the phrase "socialist medicine" should be drug out into the street and shot for treason!! how dare you spread hate and fear to cloud up the truth!!

you know what scares me, is going back on welfare because the insurance companies are making all this money and canceling people in need and labeling them dogs!!! how dare you think we do not need this. oh the poor doctors will not make enough money. EXCUSE ME!! do you think they are making money off of the poor folks who skip out on their bills!!! My mother died owing over a half a million dollars to them, is that fair!!!! if we had this public option then, when she was sick, she would not have had to beg like a dog for help!!! God i am so angry right now over this and i feel so isolated because people who i live around are ignorant and choose to stay stupid and they listen to the fear. they would rather not worry about it because they are all uninsured anyway and don't pay their hospital bills either. So if there was a mandate to get coverage, they would have to grow up and be responsible!!

So my baby's birthday is Thursday and I cannot even afford the supplies to decorate a cake. crap was over 30 bucks for just part of what i wanted!! so i am going to make something different, i found a wonderful Italian creme cake recipe with raspberries in the middle. I also could not afford her New Moon tickets so I asked my sister to get them for the midnight release. They are sold out, but she got them for the Friday night. So "A" will go gaga over that. I think she will have a great time for her birthday.

I am sorry I ranted about health care gain, i think i just wanted to talk myself out of going back on welfare. I know when my daycare opens the first thing i am going to do is put away in savings enough to cover our out of pocket expenses. i know this because i am very proud of the fact that i choose to be responsible today. and that our health is a top priority today. This will eat up some more of our savings, but thank god we have savings. I know we are not broke. We choose not to overspend on things like a beautiful new flat screen or cable. We choose to put money in savings every month and retirement. Our kids have clothes on their backs, oh gosh that is another thing, i lost a bag of winter clothes!! my friend gave me clothes for the girls, she over indulges her one daughter who is six and had a ton of clothes for my girls, they were designer and big, they were also winter sweaters and long pants and i lost them!! can't find them anywhere. We are saving a ton of money on clothes by passing them down, she passes hers on to me and i pass them on to another gal i know. it is like a clothing tree. Well i hung up the beautiful coats and dresses but i can't find this other lot of clothes. and we really don't have the money to spend but if we have to we will. "A" needs long sleeve shirts and Wes needs jeans for work, well he needs jeans period, he has one pair.

gosh i just went over this post and it is extremely long, if you are still reading, thank you so much, i appreciate all your thoughts. I hope you all are doing well, thank you for allowing me the time to share my fears and doubts, i do feel better and i loved my weekend with my girls. even when they woke up in the night it gave me extra time to snuggle with them. i will stop now and here is todays thought; "The Monkey's been off my back for a long time, but the circus is still in town!"- anonymous