Thursday, January 14, 2010

Flash Fiction Friday- the meaning of hero

Every Friday write a short story, poem or limerick of 55
words, no more, no less and then report it to the G-Man!!

"if ever there was a hero to thank

two years ago today my heart truly sank

if ever there were any words left unsaid

they were left there that day on that hospital bed

my how time flies and how my girls have grown

forever in my heart, your seed of love has been sown"

Here you go G-man this is for my mom who passed away two years ago today. Cancer is a horrible disease and i would not wish it on my worst enemy.

i am doing well today and i know my mom is near. i am grateful for her and the help she gave me to get me into recovery.

i remember one night i was in withdrawals and it had been a while since i used and i was living with my mother. i could not function i would have fits of rage and i would throw the kitchen chairs across the dining room in anger. and i would go in shame and lock myself in my bathroom and cry for hours pounding my fists against the floor until my knuckles bled. it was awful and the whole time my oldest, my only child at the time, watched this.

anyway i decided i couldn't take it anymore and i was leaving for good. i threw the car keys at my mom and left. she didn't do anything to me and i wasn't mad at her, but i took it out on her. i didn't know where i was going or what i was doing, i had been in trouble with the cops but i had checked into outpatient at this time and my court date had not come. really i just wanted to go to jail i wanted to do something so they would lock me away forever and i couldn't hurt anyone. i tried to sleep in the park, then i got up and walked around town for a while. i ended up at the hospital around 4 in the morning because i didn't know where else to go and there was coffee in the waiting room of the 4th floor where they had babies.

i sat there until morning and i was so desperate. i had no money, nothing. so i called my mom and she asked me where was i. i didn't want to tell her i felt like such a complete and total failure. i finally told her and she asked if she could bring me something to eat. i started crying, i did not want her to come i just wanted to go away. i finally told her i would meet her downstairs and she came and brought me some food. i sat on the bench with her and cried like a baby. she told me she loved me and wanted me to come home, to please come home. she said 'don't you know i want you there?' i was like why i can't even control my anger, i stole all your money i am not worth it. and she said to me; 'baby i am so proud of you and i love you' i said 'how, how could you be proud of me i am a total mess i can't even take care of my own daughter.' and she said 'because you stopped doing that and you are trying to get better and i know you can.' and we cried a little longer.

and i went home with my mother and i went to my first NA meeting. my mother is my hero because she was there for me in my darkest hour. and i am grateful that i was clean and that i had the honor and privilege to be there and hold her hand as she walked through hers. That's all i got, i will keep coming back.



22 comments:

Syd said...

I am so glad that your mother was there. I think that a mother will do all within her power to help her child. Even sometimes to the point where she should not. I know that you feel that way about your children as well.

smarmoofus said...

I'm so proud of you, too. And your mother must have been such a strong woman, to stay by you like she did. I'm glad you had her when you needed her most. Congratulations for getting where you are today.

-smarmoofus

G-Man said...

Your 55 was AWESOME...
Your Mom story....?
Ive never seen anybody like you in all my years of blogging, that can paint such a powerful picture of dispair and hope and gratiude...
ALL in the same paragraph!
You are such a treasure...
Have a Kick Ass Week End....G-Daddy

Steve E said...

You write: "That's all I got"

Well, you "got a lot", girl. And what a beautiful, wonderful tribute to your dear mother you wrote. It makes me waonder at the anger I have had for years for my parents (both).

They did their best. YOUR mother was "golden" though, she knew how little girls think, and put herself in your place. How sweet to be able to be there for her.

God blesses you both.

anthonynorth said...

Those are lovely words.

Hootin' Anni said...

THIS dear lady, is super!! Every word. Very poignant and straight from the heart.

My FF55 is fiction to some, but to others not so. It's...

HERE

[scroll down below my pencils sketches to find "The Shaft-a"]

Brian Miller said...

beautiful 55. let that seed grow and grow and you will never be alone. smiles.

my 55 is up!

Lou said...

You took my breath away. Thank you, thank you for sharing this story.

Shadow said...

you gave me goosebumps hunny...

Alice Audrey said...

Hugs for you and your mom.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

My mother was my hero also and I lost her two years ago. This made me cry. How blessed we were to have them in our lives and to now have them watching over us. She was proud and you must be proud of yourself for overcoming your addiction. Great loving tribute 55!

Susan at Stony River said...

OMG hon, what a post, and what a wonderful Mom! My father died of cancer so I know how long and painful that goodbye is -- but congratulations to you, on still standing and coping and staying clean all on your own. She said she was proud of you and somewhere, she still is. God bless! Hang in there!

sheila said...

*claps!* That was beautiful! Just lovely!
Thanks for sharing that!

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

What a great 55 - because it shows that the bloodline goes on. I hurt for you but I'm happy that you see the seed of love. That is so beautiful. And your mother taught unconditional love, which is a perfect thing.

Mama Zen said...

This is amazing. Thank you for this.

Dr.John said...

What a great memorial 55.

KB said...

Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.

Susan Anderson said...

What a lovely tribute to your hero. For those of us who did not have the same but strive to be a good mom w/o the hero to look up to this is certainly an inspiration. Thanks for visiting mine!

Fandango said...

Great words in a great 55.

Prayer Girl said...

After reading that beautiful tribute to your mother in 55 words she is my hero too.....along with all the other mothers who have opened their loving, mother hearts to comfort and support their beloved children in their darkest moments.

God bless her soul.
PG

Ronda Laveen said...

Fantastic Flash 55. I am new here and happy to meet you. Can I ask you what the anger was all about? It reminds me of someone I love.

Laura said...

Great 55 and thank you for sharing a heartfelt gratitude to your Mom. Mom's just love their kids....and she never gave up on you!

You're doing great and keep up the good work!