The epitome of self will. ever been there, where you are just pushing your will so hard it is a lot like this poor puppy. i find myself here a lot. i went to the area business meeting on sunday, and i left there wondering what the business meeting really helped. what are we doing there but wasting our time. i spent quite a few hours working on my report and nobody listened. nobody cared and it is like you know i have these beautiful children who hang on every word i say, and i leave them at home so i can go to this business meeting where we try to conduct business for NA in our area and the only thing i have seen these groups do well together as an area is our dang campout. my home group shut its doors last week due to no attendance. we were already going to close the doors in august if we had no attendance but the meeting schedules were so fouled up they had our one meeting night on the wrong night, and no other group cared about this. the groups just don't care. i wasted the resources of my group carrying the brunt of the work in our public information committee and no other members continued to go on a regular basis. when i stopped working for the public information committee my group ended up on the wrong day. my heart and soul is in service, to my fellowship and to my community. i want to give back and what i need to ask myself is where will i be more useful. i do not want to be a part of an area that doesn't blink and eye when a group shuts down, or doesn't care that members are stretching themselves so thin in service they are burning out and never coming back. i don't think I am burning out i think i am going to find another way to serve, not this area but to be of service. tomorrow i am going to a meeting to get information about the health care plan the president is trying to pass in congress. i tried to talk to my sponsor and she went off about how angry she is about the president and how he promised change and she doesn't see it. this is the same thing at the area business meeting if you don't pay attention to whats going on and try to find a way to be a part of and make a difference then you will never see change you will sit with a closed mind and always have something to complain about or some one to blame. you know the president put into effect equal pay for women. do you know he closed guantanimo bay, you know he is making it a law that credit card people cannot target and loan money to people who cannot afford it and there will be an end to tricky intrest rates. the credit card companies did not eant him elected and they are gauging right now because there will come a time soon when they won't be able to practice like loan sharks, mortgage companies won't be sellnig mortgages and they won't sell 300,000 homes to people who cannot afford it. there will be a time where we will all have to come up with a 20 percent down payment to buy a house. imagine that having the money for something before you buy it!! what a concept.
i am an obama girl and i don't post about it much, oh did i mention he got the car companies to sit down with the EPA and discuss the future of the auto industry and the new standards for cars from america are going to be higher than what the EPA first asked for. you know i know he is going to make mistakes and he has and guess what he went on TV and said "I made a mistake" wow taking responsibility for his actions and then doing something about it.. gee i thought all he had to do was say "I'm the decider!!" worked for the last president. i mean i have read some of the articles against this healthcare policy, lou posted something a while back and i did some more digging into it and you know those republicans love fear. they sell it like nobodys business and some of the excerpts taken from some of the stories and edited in another sure made the policy look bad. So tomorrow i am going to go and get somemore information to go with the 120 page pdf document layout of his health plan and how it is going to get paid for and get some more information. you know what I read the pharmacutical companies are going to have to charge less, the insurance companies are not going to be able to not cover someone due to a pre- existing condition. i mean the way they are doing business now is they (the pharmacutical and insurance) are dictating to the doctors how and what to prescribe and paying them to push their drugs. You know my mother used to take quinine for leg cramps due to dialisys. then somebody decided there was more money to be made so they now only allow quinine to be prescribed for malarya. they wanted to give mom narcotics instead! unfortunately for mom malarya was one of the few things she didn't suffer from. so i have a big passion for healthcare reform, i know both obama and clinton had a great plan they were working on and i know during the campaign obama said he was going to ask us americans to stand up and help, so that is what i am going to do. i am going to try do make a difference where it counts. i am not going to sit ther with a torch and pitchfork ready to attack the comander in chief for not working fast enough. i am going to do what i can to help and work together and focus on a solution instead of looking at the problems that were there way before he got elected into office.
gratitude list 5 things;
1. i am grateful for the awareness of my actions today.
2. i am grateful that i think about what my motives are before i speak and i try to be honest and caring when i do speak.
3. i am grateful that the sunset tonight was colored in several shades of red, purple and orange.
4. i am grateful there was minimum damage to my garden last night.
5. i am grateful i have more women in recovery to call on when i have an issue and that i choose to not call on the ones that co-sign my behaviors.
todays thought; Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.-Anais Nin