Monday, October 4, 2010

just getting by

it is getting cold out there. i am wearing warmer clothes, and i shut the windows last night, i haven't seen any leaves change colors yet, we haven't had a frost. i am still working on figuring out this sewing machine, not much progress there. i need to get ready for Oklahoma this weekend, a lot of service coming up and it will be like cramming for a final exam on Saturday night. i need to get my other reports done before area, as i will have to write on for the trip on Saturday night.

we went to a picnic yesterday with fellow members, one of the groups celebrated having their doors open a whole year. i felt like i was on the outside looking in, i felt like an addict in a crack house with all the cake and goodies there. i just wanted to leave. it was difficult and i felt very distant from everyone. my good friend was there to share his story and we could not stay to listen as the kids were hopped up and needing to go. i haven't felt that out of place in a long time. it was not good. then we worked on the hot line for 10 hours on Saturday, one of the members had messed it up so badly that you cannot hear the meeting schedule message. so we will have to call in tech support today and see how to fix it.

i am heading to the gym this morning, and then to the library. i have therapy tonight at 5. not sure how i feel about that, we are supposed to have family therapy tomorrow, but it is not on the calendar and then "A" tells me it is just for me and Wes. but she has a drill meet tomorrow which means she won't be here to baby sit so we may just reschedule.

my poor Haley looks like she was in the bad end of a boxing match. the bean punched her in the face, then she took a microphone to the cheek and then the bean scratched her face. not sure what to do about the beans aggressiveness. but she is in the corner now. the kids are hungry so i will feed them, get some coffee and catch up on my blogging buddies, i feel kind of blah today, alone and isolated like i have no friends. not sure where that is coming from.

today's thought; "Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them- everyday begin the task anew."- Saint Francis de Sales


Busy Bee Suz said...

You are never really alone....I hope your day gets better.
Take care, Suz

ps. I would love to be able to open my windows and get some fresh air, it is too darn hot still.

Kim A. said...

Syd and EnchantedOak both had blogs today about tranformation and starting over. I needed to hear that as the days are colder here too and the days of waning sunshine are having an impact on my moods. I need to be especially kind and patient with myself now. A cup of hot tea enjoyed outside, a hot bath, a good book, a trip to the dollar store for some fall decorations, those things bring me comfort. ::hugs::


Brian Miller said...

sorry you are feeling blah...sounds like someone had a rough weekend in the face...hope some sunshine finds you...smiles.

rasama said...

i think the nature of addiction leaves us with clouds of feelings we don't understand. it a pleasure to see such honest account of your experience, as that in itself heals. i like the thought you left i all with: "Have patience with all things...with yourself" you have so many people who are there for you when you reach out. thank you for the blog, am following it now!

shootingstar said...


Star was here :)

Syd said...

I'm here and hope that you know that you aren't alone. Some days are just blah days. Take care of yourself.