Wednesday, October 20, 2010

just for today reading

October 20Freedom to choose
“Enforced morality lacks the power that comes to us when we choose to live a spiritual life.”
Basic Text, p. 45
In our active addiction, many of us lived our lives by default.  We were unwilling or unable to make choices about how we wanted to act, what we preferred to do, or even where we would live.  We allowed the drugs or other people to make our most basic decisions for us.  Freedom from active addiction means, among other things, the freedom to make those choices for ourselves.
Freedom of choice is a wonderful gift, but it’s also a great responsibility.  Choice allows us to find out who we are and what we believe in.  However, in exercising it, we’re called on to weigh our own choices and accept the consequences.  This leads some of us to seek out someone who will make our choices for us—our sponsor, our home group, our NA friends—just as our disease made our choices for us when we were using.  That’s not recovery.
Seeking others’ experience is one thing; abdicating personal responsibility is something else.  If we don’t use the gift of freedom we’ve been given, if we refuse to accept the responsibilities that go along with it, we’ll lose that gift and our lives will be diminished.  We are responsible for our own recovery and our own choices.  Difficult as it may seem, we must make those choices for ourselves and become willing to accept the consequences.
Just for today:  I am grateful for the freedom to live as I choose.  Today, I will accept responsibility for my recovery, make my own choices, and accept the consequences.

i read this today and it felt good. i am still ok with the consequenses of my actions and the newsletter article i wrote. my sponsor has not responded to me about my thoughts on being fired from my position. maybe she thinks i will be. i will try to detriangulate the situation, but right now i am not so worried about it.

i am deciding on green unicorns and learning to make a cape. today a real estate person is coming to help us decide what needs to be done to sell this house as soon as possible. it has been many years we have talked about selling, i am not getting my hopes up, that just gets old. but i am getting my house tidy for the guy to come in. not much i can do abotu the garage, or the bathroom, both my honey tried on his own to remodel... disasters, both so i am kind of embarrassed to show this, but that is my job as a homemaker.

more will be revealed. today's thought; 'We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.'- the immortal randy pausch


Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I'm glad you are accepting the decisions you are making today as your truth and that it is right for you. It shows a lot of fortitude... a lot of strength.

I just found a copy of the NA text online, so cool, mirrors a lot of what AA's Big Book suggests too.

There's this quote on page 45 "The image of the kind of person that we would like to be is a fleeting glimpse of God's will for us. Often our outlook is so limited that we can only see our immediate wants and needs." ... "God will not force His goodness on us, but we will receive it if we ask."

I'm attracted to those messages that seem to show people who are serene and have joy in their lives, people who don't seem to share all these problems or continually run into fights and difficulties in their lives... they seem to have something that alluded me... like they say they were once plagued by disorders/disease but now they life freely and serenely...

I was baffled by them, tried everything I could to stick around and figure them out. Took me a while to trust them, to believe they were in earnest.

I was told I could have more, but I just wasn't sure that was true until I had exhausted hope all areas and still didn't want to die.

I like your quotes! They make my day! I believe you can have more too Suzie, can't wait to see it!

I'll keep my eyes peeled for green unicorns.

Kelly said...

I am sorry to flood you with green unicorn possibilities, but here is one more. I contacted this seller and she is willing and able to make this unicorn in green (any shade you want). Again, a little on the pricey side, but handmade.

Another Unicorn

Syd said...

I hope that all goes well with your house showing. It is good to have the freedom to live as I choose. It may not be what others want but it is my life. I am the one fully invested in it.

RNSANE said...

I really should take that quote to heart...the one about playing the hand we're dealt. I've been mourning my job loss for nearly two years now and I guess it's high time I tried to move on and deal with the situation!! Thanks for the kick in the behind.

By the way, you never sent me your address - - you won my book of poetry on my blogaversary giveaway. I decided to pull two more names after the grand prize and yours was one chosen.