Tuesday, November 3, 2009


'we humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings'
as i work this step i am learning more things about myself that i never knew before. i thought i was an angry person. i thought i was not worth anything. that last sentence still rings true for me.

we had our couples counseling tonight. of course she asked the question; 'what brought you to therapy?'. and of course i answered, me. because i feel there is this huge gap in our communication. and i know i am right. we don't see things on the same level and i don't know how to bridge that gap. somehow i feel the session focused on me, as i did most of the talking and crying. he is very rational and thinks about things a lot. the therapist came to the understanding of our personalities and that his is that of a 'thinker' and mine a 'feeler'. i thought well that's a stretch.

i think i am relieved to have been heard, i mean she understood that when i talk to him, and i do this a lot, but when i am trying to get my point across, sometimes i get emotional, and when we disagree and he is missing my point i start to elevate my voice. i come from a long line of screamers. that was how i learned to communicate is by screaming. this is something that i have been making great strides in. not screaming, and yet when we disagree i take it there because , i don't know it is like maybe if i say this louder, maybe he will hear me.

that usually makes him say 'what are you doing?' which pisses me off and then he is like, why are you yelling at me we are on the same team. and he said when i yell i make him feel like the enemy. at which point what ever it is i was trying to say has gone completely out the window and now i am wrong because i got emotional.

i felt like the session went a bit that way tonight. although i kind of took it there. because i am honest and admit when i am wrong, but it felt like it was mostly about me. it also felt like she understood though the thought process we were going through and tried to explain to me how when he comes in to a situation he is trying to look for a solution as 'thinkers' do. and this may come off as detached or calloused on the 'thinkers' part and they may be way off base so of course we are missing our mark in communication. so we go back in two weeks and she wants to know about my mother....

i thought, why doesn't she want to know about his mother?

wes and i cannot speak about what was said in the session for 24 hours, that is her rule. we have to wait 24 hours before talking to each other about what we said. and me being the addict i am, wants to know right now what he thinks about what i said!! insane aren't i? i promise not to let them embalm me g-man!!

i feel though that i am on the right track here, if it is my shit and it probably is, then i want to see it for what it is and deal with it. if i am being too hard on myself then i need to work on that. i need to allow myself to stand in my own truth and ask for what i need.

i know this, i love him very much. i know right now that he feels the same about me. relationships take a lot of work. i am willing to do whatever it takes. even if it means to get my shit out of the way so we can be.

gratitude list haven't had time to post comment or be grateful lately so here goes;

1. today i am grateful for the willingness to look at my issues and own them.
2. today i am grateful for the wonderful Halloween we had!!!
3. today i am grateful for my creativity in getting costumes made!!
4. today i am grateful for my willingness to make mistakes and learn from them.
5. today i am grateful for my family, who loves me in spite of me.
6. today i am grateful for my health.
7. today i am grateful for sticking to my diet, so far 7 pounds gone!!
8. today i am grateful for my recovery family.
9. today i am grateful my bean went #2 in the potty!!!
10. today i am grateful for my ability to blog and for my blogging buddies!!!

i still have my Halloween decor out i need to bring it down and get ready for turkey day. i only ate a couple (2) pieces of candy and managed to lose another pound even though i missed the gym for several days last week. i did have trouble speaking up this weekend when it came to getting groceries and what i needed for my diet. we talked about that tonight too. Wes went to study as he has a big test coming up tomorrow so I called a gal in recovery to talk about the session then had to blog about it just so i am not anxious when he gets home. i don't think he will have anything to say about what i said and i need to be ok with that. because it doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means he has nothing to say. today i am grateful that he is willing to work with me through what ever it may be, and it may be me. even though i think it is him. so for todays thought; "Of all the 'attitudes' we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing."-Zig Ziglar
(Zig Ziglar's Little Book of Big Quotes)


Tall Kay said...

Congratulations on the 7 lbs! That is awesome! You made me giggle here. Just keep going back and more will be revealed. You have such an open mind and a good attitude...it can only turn out well.

Steve E. said...

Change somehow produces change...interesting! And having an attitude of gratitude was certainly the biggest change in MY life--after I stopped drinking, that is--grin!

Good post, Clean and Crazy...

Nessa said...

It is very hard to get out of our own ways so we can communicate with each other. The important thing is that you keep trying.

Wordless Wednesday - Cody's Help and Halloween

Busy Bee Suz said...

Sounds like this type of talking can be good for the soul!!!

Dulce said...

Oh Woman this is so deep and beautiful. How easily we forget all the things we must be thankful for!!!
But we have you to remind us
PS And thanks for your precious comments ;)

Shadow said...

therapy is tough, but if you both work it and give it some time, i'm sure it will be the best decision you've ever made... good luck!

Syd said...

We did couples therapy for a while. It didn't really get at the issues because she didn't want to accept any responsibility for any action. It gets lonely being the one who carries most of the load.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I'm so glad you're getting the help you need. The truth is I went to Alanon and finally "got" it about the whole communication in relationships thing (THANK GOD for ALANON) but I believe that therapy can be incredibly insightful and helpful when I go in to look at myself and what I can do to get better :)

(((((HUGE BEAR HUGS))))))

Gabriella Moonlight said...

so much here, so amazingly candid and real!!! what more could we ask for though, then to be ourselves and to be loved...i5t sounds like you are on your healing journey with more being revealed...I admire you so!!!!

Lou said...

Another item for your gratitude list..

your husband is willing to go to couple's therapy.

Many of my friend's husbands refuse to go. Give it time. And be kind to yourself, ALL of us have baggage!

Ms Hen said...

Great your husband wants to go.. !!

Great you get to share your feelings..!!

You have a lot to be grateful for...

kristi said...

Ok, really, are we the same person?

kristi said...

Sorry to leave so many comments, but I (think) you have read all of my blogs...Check them out. Click my name and it will bring you to my home page. My Keepin It Real Blog is not on there, I only invite a FEW people there.
Good luck on your journey!

Chic Mama said...

I'm pleased you are having the chance to work through this together.
Yay! 7 lbs- well done! x