It's Snowing!!!

well no not really, but it did in Dodge City!! but that is about 3 hours from here. the news just said we were going to get flurries today but nothing yet. i am hoping if i pray real hard i will get snow. the girls and i are keeping our fingers crossed and our eyes glues to the windows!! we love to play in the snow. oh how grateful it is not to have to worry about going to work in snow!! we get to play!! i feel guilty.. no i don't this is so cool i hope it snows!!! EEEEE

i love snow, can barely contain myself, and Christmas is coming!! My girls and i are so excited!! gosh i can't wait for Thanksgiving to be over!! Wes won't let me put up decorations, well wait he said i couldn't put the tree up before Thanksgiving, he never said anything about decorations...hmm. Well isn't THAT an exciting revelation!!! oohh everyone loves the summer, me i love this weather, 36 degrees out a gray sky, wet leaves on the grass that stick to your shoes. the girls call them 'tree stars' from the movie ' The Land Before Time' .this is cuddle me weather. i like to cuddle with my girls and get warm and fuzzies on and drink warm hot chocolate and watch the snowflakes fall... it is heaven on earth.

well did everyone survive friday the 13th!! Oh My Gosh I nearly died!!! Let me tell you about some very unnecessary chaos, and i will tell this because i would like some advise about how to proceed. OK Wes's belly button birthday (we addicts celebrate a clean time and belly button, our belly button refers to the day we were actually born) on November 22, so i emailed his best friend and his BF's wife to see if they were available, no plans yet just wanted to know if they were going to be here. his friend emails me back with a plethora of ideas, totally excited to do something for my honey. my thoughts, which i hadn't had a chance to share were something like this to go to his house for dinner and surprise party for Wes. We do not have a lot of room in my little home for guests and his buddy does great parties for recovery folks. well he sent me a couple of ideas and said to call him, i started to bathe the girls when my phone rings. mind you all i wanted to do was have a nice party for my honey...
it was another friend in recovery who is celebrating her 10 year clean date, also on Wes's birthday. she informs me that she just talked to Wes's friend and that we are all set to go to her birthday bbq/ wedding tye-dye party. and we could order an extra cake for Wes's birthday. The kids would have a lot of fun and it would be an all day event. I said cool that sounds good. Then i call Wes's friend back and we discuss this. first off he called them to see if they would want to come to his house to celebrate Wes's b-day. They told him they had already invited Wes and me to their house for her party. not true i had not heard about this until after they talked to him. then i said well it was a nice gesture. Wes's friends concern was this, what would Wes want, he does not have family who celebrates his birthday. to piggy back his birthday on top of someone else's celebration would not make it about him. granted i probably would not have changed my mind but i felt he was right, and i also felt pushed into doing this because it would be easier for me not to have to plan anything. the real deal was i wanted to do something special for Wes. so i asked his friend if we could have a party at his house for Wes. So when the other gal called me back i told her i had decided that we would stop by for her party and then i was going to do a separate party just for Wes. that was all i said.

then all hell breaks loose. these two people are home group members, they are now leaving our home group and are very angry with Wes's friend and blame him for me changing my mind. it was a big old fashioned pre-teen cat fight with those two, i felt completely in a tug of war, 'no your my friend! no your my friend!' stop the insanity please!!!!! ok so i call my sponsor and say, ' sponsor i am upset please help me.. she says OK i am getting a friday the 13th tattoo right now but what is up!! are you serious!! yup!! i got the coolest sponsor!! would your sponsor answer her phone during a tattoo!! i tell ya friday the 13th is insane people are nuts they loose all forms of reason and rationality. and they take me with them. so she tells me she would have been upset too if i had chosen not to go to her party for my boyfriends birthday, you don't celebrate 10 years clean everyday. but that she definitely took it to a whole other level that it did not need to go, she should have told me she wanted me there when we were talking not running to her boyfriend and leaving the group and calling people names. now, Wes's friend called me back and said he was not going to buy decorations or have us over, this way we could go over to their party, and he would just take Wes out to a one on one dinner. Well now i don't want to go to the other peoples house, i feel totally forced, now i don't know how to respond to her. she used me as a scapegoat to quit our group and she created a whole bunch of chaos and said hurtful things to friends of mine and Wes's when all she had to do was be honest with me. tell me what is wrong, i didn't want to hurt anyones feelings. all i wanted to do was plan a birthday party for my honey. so at 10 years clean, if i am causing this much chaos in people lives, someone better call me on my shit!!!

so when Wes came home, i was a mess, i had screamed at my children to go to sleep, i really acted out and i don't like that at all. he asked me what was wrong and i had to tell him. i did, i just couldn't lie to him and then just go to this other persons house for his birthday. so i asked him what would he like to do for his birthday. he said why what do you have in mind, i broke down and cried then told him everything that was insane and going on in one little day, remember i was trying to surprise him so he knew nothing of what was going on. he smiled, and said wow what a compliment. so many people wanting us to be with them. yes a truly humbling perspective. i was honored at that point but still in a predicament. so my honey simply said what he wanted for his birthday was a little cake and pointy party hats for me, him, haley, the bean and nana. right here at home small, sweet, intimate and special. i ask ya can you get any better then that? so he gave me a big hug and told me not to cry, i did not cause all the chaos by asking people to be part of his birthday. but still, what do i do with this gal who still wants me to go to her birthday next week. i had told her we would stop by before all the insanity but i do not want to be pulled into any more chaos, nor do i want to push her away, she is going through a lot and she could have handled it better, but she is pregnant and hormonal and a sweetheart, i need to set a boundary though, i don't want to own her chaos just to be a part of her life. and i don't want what happened to happen again, i want her to be direct with me not go to other people to make a big mess when all she had to do was talk to me. so i ask ya, what should i do, i did call her and she did not answer the phone so i said 'tag your it!!' nothing yet.

we had our regional service meetings this weekend and it was amazing. i love service work it was real great to be a part of the solution. now i am going to work on some Outreach posters for our region. i hope that they reach members and that it encourages them to help, step up to the plate and help. so i am still waiting for snow, we will go to the gym next, and i will see if i have lost any more weight, i was at 7 pounds last week. i am truly grateful today and i am excited about the holidays and i have some new decorations i am in the market for a new tree topper though, the theme of my tree it will be white and silver with homemade decorations so i don't know if i want an angel or a star, i don't think a bow would look right this year so i will keep looking and when i find it i will know. i will post pictures when it is all up. oh and grandma is coming next week which means i need to put my pictures back on my walls. i took them down to paint two months ago and i didn't want to put holes in my freshly painted walls. so for todays thought and it's a good one;“The best thing you can give yourselves...is the gift of possibility. And the best thing you can give each other is the pledge to go on protecting that gift in each other as long as you live.”- Paul Newman
Blogging fills my heart with the possibilities of what we can do. thanks for stopping by, have a great monday!!