Wednesday, November 4, 2009

anger management

Sometimes when you are angry at someone it helps to sit down,
take a moment to cool off, and think what you can do
about the problem...

Today i have had issues with my anger. i don't know why, i was just angry, everything got me angry. i could not surrender and i don't know why. it was like 'self will run riot' and then some!!

i am trying to be humble about the session but it is eating my lunch. i know i have harped for a while now how i am not being heard, and i am not understood. and now it is like, is this really all about me? you know that saying i have? the plaque that sits on my wall, it rings so true, it is funny but it is not. it says; 'i know you believe you understand what you think i said, but i am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant.' it is me. it is so me.

i did not go to the gym today, so i know that hurt my attitude, my babies have the sniffles, again!! poor little things i gave them some medicine and they felt better but i am not going to expose other kids and get them sick, that is just rude!! and that is what happened to my babies!! i wish the nursery there had one of those wands, you know like the bar code wands at Walmart, and they could check to see who is sick and who is not!!

my oldest had college today, so did Wes. i have to call the school on Wednesdays and ask for 'A' to be let out early so she has time to eat before she goes to class, then i load up the kids to pick her up, we usually take about 15 minutes for this so i didn't pack anything, like a tippy cup. or extra pants...
well today we sat there in the parking lot for 40 minutes. i was fuming!! fuming!! kids with runny noses, snot plastered on their poor little faces, they are both crying because they are thirsty and i have nothing to give them!! and i am doing her a favor!! i call the attendance office and ask if she got her note, this is the 3rd time i talked to the gal today. she said she sent it over an hour and a half ago, i called at 2 this was now five after 3. then school lets out and here comes 'A'. she claims the teacher never got the note. i called her a liar i know she has a routine coming up that requires extra training, she probably thought i was going to be late so she could practice a little more.
so i let my anger get to me a lot today to say the least. i couldn't enjoy or appreciate much today and i do not like myself when i am like this. i want to blame someone else for my behaviors, typical addict thinking, and all i could think to be mad at was the session!!

i need a meeting. i have anxiety about going to one in town. addict running wild in my head not wanting me to be healthy. i don't like feeling this way and i need to feel better. i need to fix something i just don't know what, or i do know and i can't quite put my finger on it. maybe i am getting squirrely as my clean date is around the corner.

this is just where i am at today. i have faith that tomorrow will be better. i appreciate having a place to write it all down and get it out of my head. funny i trust my peeps with more of my stuff then the peeps in town. i guess it makes it easier because if i get a bad comment i can delete it, here in the real world i can't just delete someone in front of me who gossips!! that would be the next form of great technology though now wouldn't it. hhmmm... so that just leaves me with this thought; "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."- Benjamin Disraeli


Mom of Opiate Addict said...

This post sounds like mine from the other day, just so angry and acting it out on everyone and anything in my way. I also hate feeling that way, but I guess at least we are allowing ourselves to feel. I know as a recovering addict with an addicted son, it is healthier for us to actually "feel" instead of numbing it out. You are right, tomorrow will be a better day, and we all have days like this!

Midnitefyrfly said...

sounds like you are stressed out about a bunch of rationally stressful things. I am sure you will work through it in a few days and look back and realize it really was a lot going on. Sometimes you just need TIME.

You cannot actually delete people (would be nice sometimes i think lol- or st least send them away or you just warp to another time or place), but you can choose not to continue listening to them if you are making you that uncomfortable.

It is nice to have the internet as a technological sounding board with more control of how you interact with people.

Anonymous said...

I've been there too -- love and strength to you. It does get easier.

Shadow said...

heee heee heee, i'm gonna so follow your advice. next time someone pisses me off, i'm gonna sit on them and think about it....

Nessa said...

That picture is hysterical.

Dona Nobis Pacem & Thursday Thirteen

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...


This post feels very serious. I had a day like this yesterday. Well honestly I had a couple hours like this yesterday but 2 hours colors 24 quite rapidly.

Scary actually, how quickly I will give my entire life to one situation and my emotions surrounding that one person, place, thing that I have no control over.

I just realized even more how dangerous my ideas are without some help from my wonderful fellows who help me by providing perspectives different than mine.



Ms Hen said...

We all get in our moods... I used to get that way because of PMS. I still get PMS but now can control it... plus I don't have any little ones anymore to tend to.

I have to be honest.. my rapid recovery is because I have more time for me and no one little to tend to anymore.

And my daughter (the alcoholic is out of the house for over 2 years now)...and divorce from the alcoholic husband for over 7 years. My older son 25 is over his addiction pretty much to video games.. and working; and more balance; plus he lives downstairs when he moved back; so plenty of space.

I also work for myself..

So honestly I can be more peaceful.. I have less stressor; and less people dependent on me.

The anger or rages I have are gone.. age is mellowing me too??

Akelamalu said...

Some days it is difficult to not be angry. On those days I remind myself of one of the Reiki Precepts - 'Just for today I will not be angry' - you can only live one day at a time, and try harder tomorrow.

Thanks for visiting me on this special Blogblast for Peace day. :)

Just Be Real said...

Ahhhh dear one, I hear you so clearly. I am sorry for the struggle. A lot of the time I end up in my own pity party, that I need then to break out of it.

Much hugs and understanding sent your way....

kristi said...

OMG, I totally went off on my entire family yesterday. I need to blog about it, my private blog is:

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Our anger helps us to realize too that we're human and still have much to learn! I think it's hard to feel anger because our society has no real manner to teach us to be angry but not take it out on a lot of stuff we have to learn it through practice and knowing that people do hear us.

I hear you and read you and I am listening! I hope the babies get better...I will send the daughter a watch if it would help ;-)

Love to you

G-Man said...

Awww...I'm sorry. Maybe you should sit down and pen a 55 to help relieve the anxiety?

Syd said...

I have felt a gamut of emotions lately. Anger was one but it quickly gave way to resignation and compassion. I just have to let stuff go and give it to God. I don't have any control over what others do. Some days I just need to remember that I have choices in how I react to what others do.

Tall Kay said...

They tell me that anger is a healthy, human emotion. It's what I choose to do with that anger that usually gets me into trouble. Today we have spiritual tools to handle life's ups and downs. We are so blessed, aren't we? Your 55 tells me that this too has passed.