filling my heart with life

“Ah, life is a gate, a way, a path to Paradise anyway,
why not live for fun and joy…
why not go to your desire and LAUGH…”

— Jack Kerouac
and when she smiles your heart skips a beat. and when she laughs, you feel it in your heart.
do you ever wonder what makes you smile in your heart. i think about my mother and wonder if she felt this same smile in her heart when we were young.

i had a dream about my mother last night. it felt very real. she was at the hospital and she fell, she was very sick. i called her name and ran to her and some paramedics helped me pick her up and put her on a gurney. i was scared, but then i felt OK, like she was going to be OK. then I woke up. and she was gone and i was too late. so I cried this morning for my mom. i waited until "A" was gone to school, as she thinks sometimes that she is the only one who suffered a loss. i think i just didn't want to share my grief with her. she was my mother, not her's.

haley slept with grandma's blanket for a long time, it got too small for her and she kept eating it, so i put it away and last year Santa brought her a new blanket that she uses. i don't know i just am in a wave of grief right now and it has been almost two years.

i didn't get to the gym yesterday, my girls were uncooperative so we finally came home after running a few errands. today we have to go get "A" from school early as everyone needs an assessment for the daycare so it is off to the doctors again today.

tomorrow is friday, so i will sign out now as i will be posting again this evening for flash friday. i hope to come up with a great story, i have a few great ideas more will be revealed.
today's thought;"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." ~Kahlil Gibran