Wednesday, April 1, 2009

i need a break!!!

boy am i losing it today, first i got upset and lost my temper looking for my dang cell phone, for 20 minutes!! Thank God my kids didn't see me. still have no phone it's completely gone. i have been snapping at the kids a lot lately and i am feeling really disconnected from NA and i have still not talked to my sponsor. I will try to make it a priority to go to a meeting tonight but these kids are out of control.
my oldest was told to use crutches for 2 weeks and stay off her foot, so i went and reanted some crutches last night for 30 bucks and then she asked if i would take her to school because she was embarrassed to have to use them, so i said i would take her. Then she gets out of my van and picks up the crutches and starts walking to class!!! I honked the horn and asked her "what are you doing?" and she said "I was going to use them after i got in class." Whatever. i just spent 30 dollars and we didn't have it to spend on medical supplies for her and she just doesn't get it. we do not have money for sports, but we need to see if she tore her acl or not anyway. I am not going to pay for her to be in sports if she is not going to do what she needs to do to take care of herself.
Then Wes's mom is coming for Easter, and she asked if his brother could come as well, which elated me and then made me nervous. but more happy than scared and then today at the studio Libby invited my family to go to her church for an easter service and I tried to explain to her that we had plans and it was like she wouldn't take no for an answer. So i will talk with Wes about it because this woman is doing so much for me and I would like to say yes to her invite, but a. i don't go to church, and my kids don't have easter clothes and we weren't going to get any due to lack of funds, b. Wes's family is coming in from Topeka and Missouri and i don't think it would be nice to make his mother go to a church even i've never been to when she has such a hard time getting around and how in the heck am i supposed to tell her no.
I feel like my head is going to pop, and i need to get more plants going so i have enough tomatoes and squash and peppers and I haven't got the time to do anything but maybe breathe.
This is how I get when I am away from NA for too long and i need to get my butt to a meeting before i burst, so the family will have to handle dinner without me tonight because I am going to be no good to anyone in my state of mind. todays thought;
"Don't hurry, don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So be sure
to stop and smell the flowers."

--Walter Hagen


Syd said...

Take a deep breath. I always like to think How Important Is It when I get my self into a fume. Hope that you make that meeting.

Lou said...

I would make it clear-tomorrow at the latest-that you cannot go to church with the lady. IMHO-Wes's family should get first priority.

Busy Bee Suz said...

You have a lot going on and when this happens, every little tiny thing seems like a big bomb.
You need to try and step away...outside...the bathroom...your closet for a few minutes and BREATHE. Think of all the good things....put it into perspective and then go forward.
Take care, suz

Shadow said...

slow down sweetie!!!! i'm exhausted from reading this. and when you're relaxed, things happen much smoother, easier...

Ann said...

WOW!! I too am exhausted reading this....:-)
This is when I slow down and just take little baby steps - on thing at a time....
definitely first things first (GET TO A MEETING)!! :-)

Findon said...

Now reading all this, I'm going to flip over to the Slow Life moement page and try and relax. Boy you have a hectic life today, please try and find a little you time.