Tuesday, January 18, 2011

this could happen to anyone

It  could happen to any of us... 

$5.37!  That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco   Bell said to  me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some  lint and two dimes  and   something  that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already  handed the   kid  a five-spot, I started to head back out to the  truck to grab  some  change  when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the  hardest thing  anyone   has  ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just  give you the  senior   citizen  discount."

I turned to see who he was  talking to and then heard the sound  of   change  hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68"  he said   cheerfully.

I  stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?  A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my  burrito and walked out to the truck wondering  what was wrong    with  Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my  blood began to   boil.  Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I  opened the door and headed back inside.  I   strode  to the counter, and there he was waiting with a  smile.

Before I could say a word, he held  up something and jingled it  in   front  of me, like I could be that easily distracted!  What am I now?  A   toddler?

"Dude!  Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I  stared with   utter  disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in  my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly  makes a man elderly! It could happen to  anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the  truck. I slipped the key into  the    ignition,  but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my  keys and tried   another.  Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the  purple beads hanging from my rear view  mirror.    I  had no purple beads hanging from my rear view  mirror.

Then, a few other objects came  into focus. The car seat in the  back   seat.  Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.  A partially   eaten  doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than  you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the  alien vehicle.

Moments later I was  speeding out of the parking lot, relieved  to   finally  be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.  That is when I   felt  it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My  stomach growled   and  churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only  it was nowhere to
be found.

I swung  the truck around, gathered my courage, and  strode back  into   the  restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood,  draped in youth  and   black  nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the  world coming   to?"

All  I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink  in here"? At  this   point  I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back  to my vehicle,   and  then go straight home and apply for Social  Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I  walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a  young   lad  came up and tugged on my jeans to get my  attention. He was  holding   up  a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I  think you left this in
my truck by  mistake."

I took the food and drink from  the little boy and sheepishly  apologized.

She offered these kind words:  "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff  like   this  all the time."

All of this is to explain  how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes,  I   was  racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.  And no, I told  the   officer,  I'm not too old to be driving this  fast.

As I walked in the front door, my  wife met me halfway down the hall.  I   handed  her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding  ticket. I  promptly   sat  in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with  a blankey.

The good news was I had  successfully found my way home..



todays thought: "It is always good when you can find something to laugh about."- me again

8 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh...that is hilarious!!!!

clean and crazy said...

i came across this story today and it made me giggle so much, i had to share!!

G-Man said...

I've claimed a Senior Discount every since I could!!!

Shadow said...

bless you! this is hilarious!!!!! and so very wise, your thought is.

Scott said...

lol a great read, thanks!

Her Big Sad said...

Loved it..... despite the fact that it struck very close to home!!! I made up my mind a while back to laugh about this stuff, because it's happening, way too often, and being grumpy won't stop it. I'd rather be remembered as that delightful, happy, crazy little old lady! Hugs!

Mama Zen said...

This is too funny!

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Congratulations, you've just had a 'senior' moment! (Maybe you deserved that discount after all?)

Glad I scrolled down under your Friday 55 so read this one! :)