Tuesday, January 25, 2011

some weekend tidbits

pittsburg and greenbay huh. i was kind of hoping to see the bears make it through. well for sports fans everywhere the big game is quickly upon us and we can only wonder what kind of raunch the commercials will bring!! that is the whole point of the game isn't it? to see the commercials, i mean come on, why would girls be into football, a bunch of men in tights, bent over, touching each other.... hey maybe i will watch the game!!

on to more important stuff, Richard winters passed away, he was the commanding officer of easy company. the one featured in the movie band of brothers. he lead his men into battle on d-day and many other perilous journeys. there was no media, no news clips played on fox news, no interviews like with Larry king. just a quiet service for an American hero. in more popular news jack lalaine passed away. he was an amazing man. if it wasn't for him people would have never believed in exercise!! he started the fitness craze before there was a fitness craze. the first juicer. the one who showed what longevity in life could look like if one took care of themselves. he has changed many lives, but not as many as captain winters.

i speak of death today because my van is sick. it may be time to get a new one. it is a 2001 dodge caravan. 182,000+ miles. the oil light has been coming on for over a week now so we took her in and got the oil change and a tune up done on Saturday. her oil light is still coming on. only when i come to a stop and idle the engine. then when i start to drive it shuts off. not good. may need a new engine in which case will need a new car. while the thought of a new car is attractive to me, my old car has been with me for 8 years. i bought her in '03. at an auction for 5000. her blue book at the time was 11,000. so i got a good deal. i looked last night and saw some 07 Honda's and they wanted like 16000 for them!! i can get a new one for that much!! come on. i don't even want to think about it. this was my mothers car. i have not had anything this long except my oldest daughter. it is sad to me the thought of not being able to fix her. my car that is. i really would like a newer car but not at the expense of losing this one. it has been a great vehicle and gone through my addiction at it's worst and still survived. i brought my two children home from the hospital in this car, been through two sets of infant seats, then car seats and now booster seats. this car drove my mother to the hospital i don't know how many times, and drove me to her funeral as well. it drove me to the spot on the vermilion river where we took and scattered her and my fathers ashes. it was part of the Oregon trail where people used to pay to ferry across the river over a hundred years ago. it took me to my first meeting in recovery.

and i will call the shop and take it in for a diagnostic. it will either be good or bad, most likely because of the age of the car, it will need a new engine. we will decide weather or not to trade it in, we will look at shiny new cars that are pretty and good on gas, we will pick one and this van will be gone. there will be no big deal it is just an old vehicle that has run it's course.

and i will remember, that this was my mothers car. and i will move on, just like with mom. what else is there to do. i guess this is me coming to a surrender and acceptance that the last piece of working memory of my mother is finally coming to an end. i really feel close to her in the car. i feel safe in that car. and in the end, it is just a car.... and i will remember my connection with my mother.

today's thought; "When we are connected to others, we become better people."- Randy Pausch


Mama Zen said...

I totally understand how you feel about the van. I get weirdly attached to my vehicle.

Hope they can fix her!

Shadow said...

eventually all the last bits and pieces fade away, makes me incredibly sad... hugs, hunny!

Busy Bee Suz said...

It is funny how we get connected to certain things in life...things that remind us of special people.
Good luck with it all!

Syd said...

I have names for my cars and do get attached too. I totally understand.