Saturday, March 7, 2009

Just some good ol' Laughs

This is why women should Not take men shopping against theirwill. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get
in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women -

she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has
been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban BOTH of
you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it right away.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave
me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the
security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his

10. September 10: While handling guns in the
hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around
the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission
Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using
different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an
announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES

And last, but not least .

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room,

shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly,

'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
Thought for today;
Scrubbing a Toilet.....

This was simply too much of a timesaver not to share it
with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet
shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him
towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and
close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never
mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is
actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a
'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be
sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the
front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly
lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through
the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean..

The Dog


Shadow said...

oh you're the best. thank you for this dose of laughters medicine.

steveroni said...

Yep! I enjoyed it also--and NEEDED it
so thanks from me too!
--The dog-a-roni

Gabriella Moonlight said...

These are great thank you for the outloud laughs!

Dennis the Vizsla said...

I want to go shopping with that guy!

74WIXYgrad said...

Wash, rinse, repeat....Then run like h***!

And thank you for shopping at Wal*Mart.