Friday, April 1, 2011

flash Fiction Friday- a minfulness rant

Every Friday, write a short story, poem or 
prose of 55 words, no more, no less then report it to the G-Man!!

"ever watched the sunrise in a purple sky
or counted raindrops to let the time pass by

 ever centered your thoughts on just one thing
being mindful for a moment and letting your soul sing

as days get filled with the hustle and bustle of everyday
a moment of mindfulness is needed come what may"

Here ya go g-man, it has been a while and i am a little late posting and out of practice. it is good to be blogging again.

 had therapy last night and it was amazing. we are working on guidelines for relationship effectiveness skills and guidelines for self- respect effectiveness. this couldn't have come at a better time. 

the story i printed that got me censored in the newsletter as the editor has been reprinted in another newsletter and it has some commentary about my censorship committee or as the region likes to call it 'review board'. my sponsor and i have had a riff between us ever since this fellowship assembly, she also likes to tell me how grateful she is i am in therapy working on my issues. the thing is it is very condescending.

 now this may will mark my last meeting at the region as newsletter editor, i am also walking away from regional service as we need time to sell this house and get moved. i am terribly concerned however that the voices that reign supreme at region will be very angry about what was printed and there is nothing i can do about it. already i feel attacked. this homework, i need practice, so that i may not get flooded and so that i can get through the meeting without showing my ass.

see i am not sorry the story was printed, it validates me. i am proud of my work and many members, who are not in service expressed gratitude for the story. the problem is, me. i am already on the defense. the solution is this homework.

so i am going to the convention this weekend and not sure what to expect, except of course a date night with my honey. but on the trip there we will practice some of this go over it and write it down, i will post more on this subject next week...

just for giggles i will add my article, the one in question, and your input would be awesome. let me know if i was out of line or if this article makes any sense:

I have been truly honored in being entrusted as the editor of this newsletter. I have read and re-read stories printed in this newsletter and the spiritual rewards have been overwhelming. 
I believe it is rewarding not only to read the stories but to also be given the opportunity to share some of my own personal story with you. It has been difficult, to say the least to receive input from members to fill this newsletter. I enjoy making artwork on my computer and have done so on occasion. I have also put in excerpts from the basic text as well as reprinting stories to fill in the space.
In the last issue I made some controversial artwork to fill a page. Of course I did not know it was controversial when I put it in the newsletter. I have been told that members have shared their concerns that this artwork puts NA in a bad light as it is sent all around the world.  And I must say to these members, you are correct, this newsletter does get sent all around the world. And I ask you does the artwork in question look worse on Narcotics Anonymous as a whole then printing “Work the Steps or Die MF” the name of a group, in our meeting schedules, which by the way are uploaded on worlds website. As addicts it is in our nature to be controversial, I guess what bothers me most is the implication that it is bad to shed light on a subject as powerful as predatory behavior. If you haven’t guessed by now the artwork in question had the following words on it; “Give the Newcomers a chance, Keep your ___ or ___ in your pants.” The blanks were filled in by pictures and the Chinese characters of a rooster and a cat. I felt I should be all inclusive as we know women can be predators also. Yet I still don’t understand why this is negative.
In every meeting in Narcotics Anonymous all around the world it is stated “the newcomer IS the most important person at any meeting because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.” Let’s think about this statement for a minute, what exactly does it mean? Do we only love them until they can love themselves from a distance? Or do we make a concerned approach after the meeting to talk with the newcomer to give them hope that they too can stay clean? Or do we simply hug them and tell them half heartedly to keep coming back, with no real enthusiasm. Personally, I feel we do not do enough to harness and protect our newer members. We tell them they can be of service by dumping ashtrays. We say things like “I am grateful for newcomers because you remind me of what it is like out there.”
To deny that predatory behavior is an issue in our rooms is wrong. This brings me to a quote I read; “The central defect of evil is not the sin, but the refusal to acknowledge it.”- Dr. Scott P. a non member. Think about it for a minute when we first start to work our steps we say things like “I don’t have resentments” or “I only owe amends to a couple of people”  I even heard a member say “Why do I have to look at the past when I already let it go?” but who does it really hurt to deny the truth?
Who does it help to lie? It has been said in this program that you can’t save your face and your ass at the same time. And yet we still don’t talk about it!! We skirt around this issue of SEX!!! It is a real issue, it is a part of our lives and it is something that can be a terrible addiction that runs newcomers right out of the rooms.
And the big issue for me is when I was new I thought that being intimate meant having sex. For a lot of us that was the only thing we knew as a form of love. The members of this fellowship from my Sponsors to those who came before me in service to the still suffering addict all of you taught me that my vagina is not my “God Hole!!” There I said it. Sex, sex, sex. Personally I like sex and I live the NA way of life and believe it or not, that does include having sex. The whole world does it. There is nothing wrong with it when you are spiritually, mentally and physically ready to have sex.
Sometimes I have seen older members approach newer members in a predatory manner. This is wrong. If you are having urges that have nothing to do with love or recovery, then maybe you need to talk to your sponsor before moving forward. If you are trying to hook up with someone with only 30, 60, or 90 days and you have more than a few years, dude call your sponsor.
We love to say in meetings “I lost the desire to use drugs a long time ago” and then go flirt with a newcomer, really. I have seen it and guess what, if this describes your behavior you didn’t lose the desire to use, you changed your drug of choice. I think we need to remember why we are here, read the statement on the cover of this newsletter. Gratitude. I think it is important to protect our newcomers and let them know they are more important to me then worrying about offending anyone.
Thanks for letting me share, thanks for saving my life I will keep coming back. Send me an article for the next printing, something about recovery, NA recovery you could make it about how your life is changed or what service means to you. This is your newsletter and it is your stories that make it great. Be good to each other and remember that no matter what happens, you never have to use again.
In loving Service,
Suzie E.- Editor

one of their major complaints was the word vagina and that i put 'newsletter editor' on it. now it is reprinted with 'newsletter editor and some colorful commentary about how censorship is bad and good for me for standing up for my values. this newsletter is frowned upon by NA world services it is called the purist newsletter and if world doesn't like it well our region won't, so why do members get copies of this? they think they need to be watchdogs of renegade NA groups. yeah i'm in trouble...

ok well i gotta get packing for this weekend. thanks for reading!! 


Andrew said...

All I can say is there seems to never be a dull moment in the life of Suzie E.

All the very best to you Dear One.

clean and crazy said...

i know, right?

Busy Bee Suz said...

I don't know anything about NA or who these programs work...but I did not find anything bad about the newsletter. IT was straightforward; to the point.
LOVED your 55 words Suzie, you really have a great brain for writing.
Enjoy your weekend.

Akelamalu said...

Meaningful and mindfulness 55 words m'dear - I love it!

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Loved the 55 in couplets!

(And the rest? Wow!)

Brian Miller said...

wow. your 55 is beautiful...and true....way to rock it poet...

Alice Audrey said...

Good reminder.

Steve E said...

Your 55..being mindful of LOTS of things, until I can one day live with being less mindful and more "do"-ful...It happens--grin!).

Know that HE is God, not ME!

Then...WOW, the "rest of the story", things that brand new (young-or-old) sick, sick new girl Peeps have no clue as they walk in the door, and hear a guy talk like he "has it all together".

Well, I won't say what you just did, except THANKS! Needs to be addressed more!

Jingle said...

love your 55,

magical places your words have toured,
stay blessed.


G-Man said...

Oh Susie...
If it's from your head it's NOT mindless!
I hope you are back regular...
Loved your 55.
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

KB said...

Love this. I try to stay in the moment as often as possible. I just keep on reminding myself that every moment is precious.

Mama Zen said...

The newsletter is spot on. The 13th step: everyone knows about it, but no one talks about it. I admire you for taking a stand.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

It's always less controversial when I stick to sharing my own experience and stay away from saying "you" and "we" a lot. I've found this through some painful experience, soul-searching and good sponsorship. I also understand that there was a great deal of unity in the group that wrote, edited and published the texts of AA and NA. While they seem to be able to say we and you a lot and get away with it, I'm guessing I accept it more readily because I know that it was a group effort.

I have been a witness to the direct impact of what happens to relationships and my life when I use sex and contractual relationships to fill the black hole of loneliness and fear.

I have 2 failed marriages and many one night stands to prove my inadiquacy at using sex as a means to gain security, understanding, lasting relationships, financial stability, and pride.

My own marriage, and the relationships I have gained in AA have nothing to do with my ability to behave and do things right. They have to do with the understanding and acceptance that I must turn in all things to God which allows me to grow in understanding.

It's hard to stand on a soapbox and not be knocked off, much easier to submit my honest experience as an example of what works, and what definately does not, and allow you to search your soul for the truth.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Keep growing Suzie! :) I'm glad you continue to offer your experience and your enthusiasm!