tuesday, some honest ramblings

well i talked with my auntie yesterday. it was good to laugh with her. she was my mothers best friend. we both miss her very much. we discussed what my sister said about her and both of us had a laugh. we also discussed what she said about me, in her little blog she called me a 'crack-whore' and said that i was a bad person who couldn't stand the truth. well if you have been following me long you know the truth is pretty much what i stand for.


so i told her if she was going to say things about me she needed to get it right. first off i was never a crack- whore. i hated crack that was the one drug i couldn't stand i shot up meth. second, i never sold my body for dope, i robbed retail stores. so if your going to say anything about this little recovering addict please, get it right. and by the way i have paid my restitution and my last time getting high was january 7, 2005. january 8 is my clean date. currently i am on step 9 and yes i need a meeting. i am in intensive therapy and working on myself very well.


some of the things this girl said was that i am a bad mother and that i owe her thousands of dollars. i don't owe her anything. she tried to blackmail me about two years ago to give her money because she was being kicked out of her apartment. then she drove to california where she proceeded to bleed my auntie dry. she brought her children and lived off her for a month. my auntie had to have her move. she owes my auntie money and left town whithout saying anything, now that my auntie has cut her off of money she has turned on her has well.


it is really sad how she lies about everyone in our family. she gets a little bit of the truth and twists up the rest so she can get people to think she is a victim. we all were victims growing up in that house, really. we all survived somehow. i know my sister is angry and now she has burned bridges. my auntie begged me not to tell her of my new big house or she would she up at my doorstep. i said no way would i let her in the house. her m.o. is to claim so and so tried to rape her and we let them. i say 'so and so' because if you ask her everyone tried so far and you know cause she is such a catch. i am a rape survivor and look down upon women who use it as a weapon. my sister is one of those who does this and if i ever let her in my house she would say my man tried to rape her. the only reason she hasn't said that now is because they have never met. so she simply said he is an asshole.


in any case i am back to blogging this is my realm, i have my peeps who have seen me post in bpd mode and come out of it. yes i said it and i have been diagnonsensed with 'borderline personality disorder'. there i said it. and i am proud to say i am not on medication and the intensive group and dialectical therapy seem to work wonders. i really am grateful for it. i am sure my older sister has it, and my little brother may have been misdiagnosed with bi polar because i think his is more borderline. the difference between bi-polar and borderline is that bi-polar cycles last weeks even months, borderline hit fast and hard last for a few hours or a day and then you come out of it and feel better, sort of. i always feel bad that it happened.


i am ok with my self today. my brother and sister, the ones here in the same state as myself, no matter how much we get angry, we are always here for each other. it is like we have an understanding that we all grew up in hell together and this is the by product and we try to be here for each other as best we can. my little sister i swear has sociopath tendencies. it scares me how different her sickness is. i hope she finds good things but i will not let her near my children without an apology to my aunt, myself and my siblings. she has said terrible things about my parents and that is fine, i know they did the best they could, but seriously they should have done better, also she needs to show some kind of proof that she is in serious therapy to deal with her issues. i am not trying to be judgemental but i have seen and read what she has posted and the lies are dangerous and i need to protect my family. my little ones are not going to continue the cycle. i model good behavior and they are amazing because of it. i don't need to add dangerous elements in their life today. that is what happened to us as kids my folks allowed bad people in and they ignored the truth.


we have inspection on our house today. i will take pictures to post so you can see how wonderful this home is!! we have people helping us strip the paint off this house so we can get it sold. hopefully the outside will be painted before closing in June.


oh and i called into jury duty, i am a stand by juror and they said to call back after 5pm, so i did that last night and thery told me to call again today after 5pm. i swear this reminds me of when i first got clean and i had to call my P.O. for random pee tests. has anyone else pulled jury duty? is it like this everywhere? it kind of sucks. ok i gotta make some coffee so i can catch up on everyone out there. hey g-man just got your comment!! i miss you too!!!


todays thought; "When we fall on the ground it hurts us, but we also need to rely on the ground to get back up."- Kathleen McDonald