Tuesday, December 7, 2010

could not sleep again last night. my baby came out and laid with me. she is such a cuddle bug. i give up going to the gym today. my little one keeps taking her clothes off, she does not want to go so i will surrender today. i have therapy tonight and then i am hitting a meeting.

i am struggling today. my "A" got an expensive phone for her birthday not two months ago, then on her trip this last weekend a girl in her squad was angry at her so she retaliated by tossing the phone in the toilet. there is nothing i can do to fix this. "A" does not have the $150 to replace the phone. neither do we. she was told no electronics were allowed on the trip by the school officials. all students were told this, yet they all still take them. so i did sign her up for a Christmas wish on the radio station. i know there are much more needier kids out there. i just am heartbroken as much as she is about her phone being gone. she did not have insurance on the phone it is a pre-paid monthly phone and we had an agreement that if she does all her chores and keeps her grades up we would give her 25 each month towards her phone bill and she would pay the other half out of her babysitting funds. so she did that just this month and now no phone. she will be graduating this year and heading to basic training in May. then on to jobs training and college. i feel her accomplishments should merit something. yet i  cannot afford another phone. if her Christmas wish does not come true then she will simply have to wait until her first paycheck from the national guard so that she can get another phone. her babysitting money is paying for future school trips right now so she won't be able to use that. we did go and get cap and gown pictures done, and she is really getting things moving forward for her life. i am sad and proud at the same time.

i think i will make some chili now it is cold out and i have a great recipe with black soy beans and it is low glycemic!! the hard part about staying home is staying out of the fridge!!
my honey has a couple of gifts from Santa being delivered today, i am excited i need to start wrapping some of this loot!! i would love to be surprised with a ring under the tree, but i know we are waiting for February.

i am excited about the meeting i am going to tonight. i need to get started on my newsletter. i did not get fired from that service position, however they did issue me a censorship committee. so i am procrastinating this part of service as i am a little bit hurt because of the whole situation. i even read to them the positive comments i received about my article and those members who do not go to service committees do have a voice and that is who i write for. the only thing i regret about the committee meeting is that the actual article in question was not read out loud. other then that i did not get upset or even hot under the collar. i felt ok and that is new for me. i live a pretty good life today. i have been a bit disconnected from my recovery and that does bother me. i KNOW where i came from and i know what i need to do to continue this path of recovery, so tonight, a meeting.

for today's thought; "I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me."            - Stephen Fry


Bruce said...

What service do you have? I seem to have a million old phones laying around the house. I know its not the answer your looking for - for a stranger you met on a blog site to offer you a used blackberry lol. Were all a part of the same fellowship though, so maybe I can help :) Also maybe try sharing it at a meeting. You'd be really surprised at what you may find :)

Syd said...

Sorry about the phone. But I am glad that your daughter is doing so well with school and her prospects for college. Take care of yourself.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

You reflected a good lesson to me today Suzie!

It's very difficult to experience consequence to not follow direction of the authorities that we are submitted to. It is a terrible pattern that weaves through my life... I have always hated the person at the end like the girl who threw the phone in the toilet out of anger (or was that girl in so many ways), when really I should have realized along, the fault was mine.
"Everyone was/is doing it" was a huge scapegoat mantra of mine, if I didn't have "it" whatever it was, I was missing out on the STUFF! And it was the reasoning I used to justify resentment of the people who hurt me or took/destroyed something of mine instead of taking responsibility for what I did to cause pain or loss.

I found out it wasn't true, there were kids who didn't, I just didn't want to be like them, in fact those kids never came to mind. I was an envelope pusher, always believing I needed more, different, believing I was entitled and others weren't.

Thanks for reminding me of how I got here, just a few years later as I continued to push the envelope, get more angry, more independent, test so many more limits.

I'm grateful that the lessons finally got bright enought that I began to see it all for what it was. And that God removed the desire to drink/drug life away. Grateful that these lessons are reflected in truth to my stepkids and those around me in my willingness to tell the truth about my life and thinking.

I'm sure you and your "A" are not like me, with the explaining things away and staying resentful, and that you and she don't hold grudges against the girl who got angry as I did.

You reflect the truth to "A" as you live it yourself! :)

Good stuff today Suzie, you continue to reflect truth to me, even in the writing about your every day life!

Love that people like Bruce offer the grace that so readily comes from one who understands and is willing to help :) YAY Bruce! :)

:) The Christmas glow is building! Keep up the amazing work!~