Saturday, July 11, 2009

lessons of life

the ped's dentist was a complete nightmare. haley was scheduled for oral surgery at 12:30 didn't get in until 2 we were there until 5. during all this my sister had either a seizure or mini stroke at work, so i have her kids, and i had to make arrangements to get her son picked up from school since everyone was at the doctors and she was totally incoherent. i will post pictures as soon as picasa lets me load them on to my computer to see the damage a tippy cup does. i have 4 children eating lunch right now, my boyfriend has spent the whole morning in the bathroom, sick as a dog, we finally got the plumber here to find out that it was the shower leaking not the pipes. 150 bucks for two visits. the stovers guys finally finished fixing the crawl space.my sister is the most ungrateful person i know. she was upset with me because i only took one kid with me to go to her filthy house, pick up clothes, find something for her to wear, take the clothes to her in the hospital and try to find out what is going on with her health.
when we got to her house, her oldest son was there, and he wouldn't answer the door, so we let ourselves in. then when we were at the hospital her oldest son showed up there. so her little son who was with me asked him why didn't he answer the door. after asking three times i finally said "Steven, why didn't you answer the door?" and he goes "huh?" then he said he was downstairs. so i got mad because i know he is lying and told my sister we had to go. she said i am supposed to call their father in mexico tonight at 6, you will bring them both here by then right? i said no 6 is dinner time and there was no way i was bringing them back up she could have her husband call my house. then her delinquent son says i can bring them up. i said how the hell do you think your going to do that? you don't have a car and you don't have a license. he said i can stop by your house and take them on the bus. i said that there was no way i was releasing custody of these kids to that man. no way and i left. her insanity is her insanity, those children, while they are with me will have a set bedtime and not be put into any situation which might be harmful to them, i am sorry but i have my priorities. and right now we are heading to the pool. my sister is stuck where she is because of her choices in allowing chaos in her life, luckily for her children they have me. i really need a gratitude list right now.
1. today i am grateful i have boundaries in my life.
2. today i am grateful my home is well kept and free from bugs.
3. today i am grateful my children are there to let me read them to sleep at night.
4. today i am grateful my health is a priority in my life.
5. today i am grateful i have been clean for 4 years, 6 months and 3 days, but whos counting.

it has taken me a lot of work and soul searching to get to a healthy place in my life where i can keep my families chaos separate from my life. co- dependency is a huge character defect a lot of addicts have most never deal with it. they suffer a lot of insanity in their lives because of it. there are times i get sad because i know my brother and sister are not going to be on this earth long, due to their choice of lifestyle their irresponsibility to take care of themselves and complete and utter denial that they are responsible for any choices they make in their lives today. today i am not a victim of my life today i do not merely survive, today i live my life to the best of my ability. i have priorities and i take care of my responsibilities. i wish the program worked through osmosis, but if it did, then no one would need it. and there is the rub, this program isn't for those who need it, it is only for those who want it. because it is only when you want it that you are going to be willing to work for it. todays thought; "Show gratitude. Gratitude is a simple but powerful thing. Find the best in everybody…. Wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you. It might even take years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting." -Randy Pausch

9 comments:

Madison said...

It's difficult to figure out what role you play in a drama that is being written by others. We each have enough drama of our own. Take care. God bless.

Steve E. said...

Let Go and Let God--sometimes is the better course of action!

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are doing a good job with keeping your priorities straight. I hope all works out with your Sister, she sounds like she is lost right now.

Tall Karen said...

You are a good sister, only because you are sober today. If you were drunk, you couldn't have been there for her, just like she isn't able to be there for her children. Pray for her C&C. God will continue to guide and direct you where you can be of maximum service to Him.

I know you're sister is blessed, because God sent you to be her angel!

Lou said...

That last paragraph said it all.
Thanks for your honesty, CC.

By now it is 4 years, 6 months, and 4 days;)

Noelle said...

such strength I see in you!!

Gratitude keeps things in balance, doesn't it?

and I agree, you are a good, strong sister!!

Hang in there!

Syd said...

I am glad that you were there even if your sister isn't appreciating it. You do have your priorities straight. And that is a great thing.

Shadow said...

of course you may... for your adrianna with pleasure!

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Beautiful! And Randy's message is beautiful too! I love watching the Last Lecture, I cry every time because he has the perfect message for a recovery bound person!

Even in the face of death, you can have LIFE!!!!