Tuesday, March 1, 2011

just some smiles

 loving dress up at school
this week they did not have school and i don't know why, only one class a week and no one told me it was cancelled. they were very disappointed
classic bean with her tongue out
sisters forever playing in the where ever they may be, this was at the doctors office

this is an old picture of my Haley back when she had curly hair. her smile lights up a room

well it is safe to say my days of being an editor for our region are over. i am officially finished with my last issue. i deleted my facebook account last week due to captain stupid being on there. i have now idea what he and my daughter talk about but she is on there a lot. i told her what went on between us. i prayed about it, and talked about it in group and someone told me that there comes a time when we have to let our kids know the truth. so that evening she came to me and asked me why i shut down my facebook, if it was because of her dad and i said 'yes baby it is because of your dad.' and she said 'i am sorry you hate him so much.' and i turned to her and said very gently ' honey i don't hate him, i am terrified of him. he was very abusive, very abusive to me.' she said she remembered me being in the hospital, and i told her if she remembered me in the hospital it wasn't because of her dad, it was because i was sick. i never, ever went to the hospital over what he did to me. though i should have.

so i told her about the day i got mud on the carpet, every detail, what we were doing, i remember it well, and about how he was so angry he bit my eye. i still have a scar. i told her of the day when  he got angry at her beagle puppy for chewing up the tile in his dads house we were staying in, about her crying because she thought daddy was killing her puppy and how i tried to stop him when i walked in the bathroom to find him pulling the dogs teeth out of her head. i told her how he hit me and drug me to the bed, how he took a baseball bat and proceeded to beat me until i passed out, i still can't lay in bed at night, i have osteo arthritis in my back from that night. i told her  how many times i tried to run away from him, it took 5 years to escape. he followed, and i got a restraining order and when court came i won, i had a great lawyer who saw me pro bono and he signed off parental rights.

i told her how scared of him i was when the letter came a few years ago and he was looking for me. she cried, and i told her my relationship with him has nothing to do with the relationship she is trying to build with him today. that was 15 years ago. god did i say 15!! man i am getting old.

well she is still her surly self, we got her enrolled in KU we got her fasfa paperwork filled out and now we need to figure out what to get her for graduation. wes's mom wants to buy her a phone, i guess that will be ok since she will need one, still though maybe a nice watch, i have a bulova and absolutely love it, maybe i can find one she would like.

well my bean wants to make muffins for grandma as curious george made some this morning so i am waiting for my sister to bring me some flour as i don't keep flour anymore. i gotta get things set up for the kids to make muffins. hope you all have a wonderful day planned, w are going to the gym, then tailgating to sell avon. it is beautiful out this morning.

todays thought; "Worry gives a small thing a big shadow"- Swedish proverb


Alcohol Rehab New York said...

Cute pictures of your daughter, beautiful smiles. I love it. Life is good! Stay away from depression, stress, and worry by smiling.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Those little smiles are the best...remember them when you are feeling stressed.
I know you are having issues with your oldest...she is going through a lot, there is so much going on at that age.
I would advise for a phone for a graduation gift...that will provide security for her and you. A watch is a watch...really, the younger generation does not cherish them so much...because there is a clock on our phones. :) That is my two cents.
take care, Suz

G-Man said...


Gledwood said...

They are beautiful photos. You do Flash-fiction too? My friend Akelamalu in the UK does that too.

Can I ask you something? Are you literally crazy or do you just use the word the way we all use it? To mean whacky, screwy... you know what I mean.

I am crazy in the literal sense. I was just wondering whether you were too...?

G-Man said...

Miss you....G