its been a while and a lot has happened. first "A" seems to be saying the right things and has tried to mend relationships with both her aunt and Wes. she is fully enrolled in college and will be graduating in May. Therapy has been a trial in patience.
the new health care coverage is a joke. blue cross claims they are a benefit by negotiating 20 cents off the rate of the therapist and that it is fully covered. yes it is fully covered it gets paid directly out of my savings plan that i paid into. after it is depleted i will pay all my medical completely out of pocket until i spend 6000. so i went to the therapists and asked to negotiate with them and pay them cash. i negotiated a 60/40 split as it was last year, they will not file and i will pay cash. this will save me a tremendous amount of money. since i have to pay it anyway why go through a middle man.
we will be filling out fasfa paperwork and trying to contact the national gaurd about "A's" status. We just dropped 600 on housing and tuition so she may get a dorm room.
the service assembly is in 9 days, it was all the buzz last weekend at regionals. not everyone wanted to hear about it they were very close minded and only wanted to focus on the negative. i was very angry at my sponsor for yelling at Wes. i am tired of people treating him badly. i am emotionally drained so much has happened and i don't know how to feel.
oh yeah did i mention "A" found her bio dad on facebook. yeah the same son of a bitch that signed off parental rights so he wouldn't be financially responsible for her. yeah the same prick who used a baseball bat on my back and now i can't sleep in bed at night, yeah the same basterd who loved to choke me until i passed out. the same jackass who sent a letter a couple of years ago begging for my forgiveness and how much he missed me, but never once mentioned her. so then she was angry with me because he wanted me and not her, when i was the one who took his baby away. yeah that guy.
then "A" sends me a note he sent her via facebook, lovely little sight that it is, and he said how he has never stopped loving her, he always loved her and he is so proud of the woman she has become...
puke, what the fu$% does he know about her? why should he be proud when he had nothing to do with her for the last 16 years?!?
so now she is all a glow with excitement because her daddy loves her. her daddy is back in her life. i felt like saying your daddy is the man who paid 54,000 dollars for heart surgery 3 years ago, your daddy is the man who took care of your grandma through stage four lung cancer, your daddy just enrolled you in college.
i am happy
no i'm not
my blood is boiling right now. boiling. and sometimes a problem is not a problem, but a fact, something that just is.
i missed therapy last week for "A" and i went on Monday. I have therapy on Thursday and I need to make sure I am not getting fleeced in charges. i am going to go to the gym and try to get some endorphines, sell some avon and not think about this.
i swear to god if she invites him to her graduation i am going to have a major breakdown. major. i just can't think on it right now it is not healthy it is just scary. and it is all i am thinking about right now.