just ranting

ok so now my daughter seems to be self sabotaging every thing she has worked so hard for!! she refuses to ask us for help and i am tired of being the go between with her and Wes. she needs to work with him if she is going to get any of this paperwork done. she has already let the deadline go by for scholarships. and her damn recruiter is a flipping liar!!! i don't even want to see this woman for fear i will rip her head off!! i had to make my own phone calls because everything i ask my daughter she says, i know mom or yes mom i did that. now i find out she has done none of the online things she needs to do. she has not signed up for anything. yesterday we were supposed to go down and take her asfab test for the army and meet with this damn recruiter who has been dodging us since school started. and we had an appointment at 4 o'clock. well my daughter calls me and says thursday will work better for sgt. galloway. excuse me!! for months i have been told that she can only take these stupid asfab tests on the first tuesday of the month, now this lady has the magical power of changing the world!?! wft. i put my foot down and told her we were not meeting her on thursday as "A" has therapy. the lady then tells my daughter that she can go take the test but the people there will not be able to answer my questions, that is total b.s. she just wants my daughter as her recruit she doesn't want anyone else to get her commission!!  so i talked with her commanding officer in jrotc and he has not heard of a program that pays $1000 per month plus schooling unless you are an employee and then you have to go to school at night. and none of these people has ever mentioned the army college fund!!

this morning she said she was going to fill out the application for newman university in case she did not get into KU!!! what!? of course she can get into KU she is a kansas resident. she may not get scholarships if she does not apply for them but she can get student loans!! KU is a better university and actually costs less per credit hour then this local privately owned religious college. it is a catholic college and while i really don't have a problem with that my problem is she is self sabotaging everything she worked for. so on my own i found out that she needs to sign up for rotc online, she has not done that, as soon as she does her first Sergeant can put a call in for her. then i found out that the school has set up an asfab on thursday morning before school starts, so i signed her up for that. now i am going to set up a trip to the university so she can get a tour of the campus. i have given her every piece of paper that has come to sign up for all the senior days and she has ignored every one of them!! she said i can't miss school mom, but she can miss to go to these out of town drill meets!! wtf. then she tells us she needs money to go on these out of town drill meets, like 200 bucks i asked her a few months ago what was she willing to do to raise money and she said she didn't have time. well i talked with another mom on the team and she told me all the kids are doing fundraising and earning money to go, her son had to earn money for the lunches that were not covered. so i don't feel bad telling her she needs to earn money to go to these events, if she really wants to go she needs to put in the effort and stop acting like such a victim!!

so i feel really powerless and i cried this morning out of fear that she is letting her dreams pass her by. i cannot coddle her and if i push her in the direction i think she should go she will just dig her heels in. wes says we need to approach it differently that is why he said to set up the time for the school tour and he will take off work and take her there. he hopes if she sees for herself what is in store for her and she talks to the actual professors that she will not be so afraid of moving forward. if she hears what she needs to from someone besides us it might sink in. because when we talk all she hears is 'Wah-WaH WAH" i don't know i hope he is right. i am really struggling with this.

then my sister calls me this morning and tells me she told her son to come over here to take a shower!! WTF!?! when was i going to be involved in this decision?!? i don't want that kid in my house period. i mentioned this in a previous post. pretty sure you got the picture. i finally told her i can't let him today and that was that. she was pissed but oh well. that boy is not my responsibility. she won't let him do anything on his own and i know how hard it is as i am dealing with that struggle myself. so then i called her and told her to have him call an oxford house and gave her the number and she said ok i will call them. wft

sorry about all the cussing i am very upset and blogger keeps jacking up and i will be typing and look up and it quit typing and stopped mid word. so then i have to go back and try to finish my sentence and i keep losing my train of thought. my bumper cars of thought i should say. i am going to the gym now, i am still out of creamer maybe i will stop and pick some up, it is scary to go to the store when i feel this way i can be very compulsive in shopping in this frame of mind. dangerous territory but i really want a cup of coffee with cream.

thanks for letting me share, tomorrow i will make a gratitude list. that will help.