started my eighth step- finally. i have been done with 7 for a few months now and put my steps on the back burner. by the way most addicts get through their steps much quicker than this, i am in the remedial program, i want to get it right. i don't know why really but the funny thing is when i got to the first question of step 8 it said 'have i been hesitating to work this step?' i about died laughing!! it really eased my tension on working through this. then i got stuck.
do i have any resentments keeping me from making amends? at first i thought this was about hesitation again then i asked Wes, for two reasons. 1- couldn't get through to my sponsor, her phone is broken so i sent her an email. and 2- well i trust him and he was available. Wes explained to me that it is simply referring to people in my past that i may be angry with and that is why it says to write all the names down even if i don't know if i owe them an apology. and to talk with my sponsor about this.
there is a problem with calling my sponsor, so i usually don't. there have been times when i have left several messages and it sometimes takes a couple of days for her to call me back. then there are other times when i get through and or she calls me right back. i am not switching sponsors again, at least not until i get through the steps. by then i hope my sponsor is more available, and that i make myself more comfortable calling her again.
i don't know maybe i have a small resentment with my sponsor, at first when i would call her and not get a response Wes would ask me 'did you ask her to call you back?' so i started leaving in each message please call me back. i don't know because all my sponsee's fired me but i think i called them back when i missed a call, though i don't work 3rd shift either. at any rate i feel this step is going to take a lot of calling my sponsor and getting her on the phone so we can talk and i am not used to that. usually, i work through the book and then when i am done we get to spend an entire day, sometimes two depending on the step, and go over it and it is wonderful and she really shines as a sponsor with the steps and i absolutely love going through this with her.
so this is where i am at today, i need to call my sponsor and find out about setting up phone calls so that i may go over this stuff with her as i write it down. i think this is good because i will pick up the phone again. i have gotten out of the habit and justified it because she is so busy and i felt i was not a high maintenance sponsee and only needed to call when i was done with my steps, well this is a high maintenance step and i am very, very uncomfortable about it. the thing is i have faith that it will work, i have seen it work in the previous steps and i know this will work too. so i think i just wrote down my own solution to my problem. funny how that works sometimes.
ok so i have been a terrible blogger, i have almost finished the newsletter in Spanish all by myself!! i blew up my computer yesterday running photo shop and in design so much!! i had the blue screen of death twice!! it was awesome, i am almost done and i am so excited, my girlfriend came over and saw the artwork i used for the newsletter and wanted one for the group!! she is amazing and excited about this group and wants to start a Hispanic womens meeting as well!! my literature order should be here today, the first one for the group, from California, boy they were s-l-o-w. won't be using them again unless Wes buys me the special edition of the basic text!! they still have some in supply!! ooh, i need some coffee!! oh anyway we received the starter packet for the group but it was in English so i called world services and they said no problem they would send a Spanish version out in 7 to 10 days. so we will wait.
life is so busy, life is good today. i have been trying to at least stop by and comment on all my peeps today i will make an effort to get my flash Friday posted this evening we have a fundraiser for the convention on Saturday, my niece is coming in from New York on Sunday and we need to go to KC airport to get her Wes has a ton of studying "A" has a drill meet and the deadline for her ACT's are Friday. oh good news though, my doctor told me she would pay me for my blood work!! all my levels are beyond perfect she says. so no diabetes no high blood pressure no high cholesterol my thyroid is fine and my heart thing is called P.A.C.'s which she explained were like hiccups that are nothing to worry about. so i guess that leaves me with todays thought, which i am taking out of the just for today reading it is very appropriate; "Life is a process; the Twelve Steps are the key. Today, I will use the steps to participate in that process, understanding and enjoying myself and my recovery."- Just for Today daily meditation for March 4th