Friday, November 7, 2008
Today I am going to cook something different. When I was using, I never tried anything different. The Basic Text of NA states that "we had to have something different..." but it is funny to think back at all the not so different things I wasn't open too. When I went out to a restaurant I always had the same thing. My favorite restaurant is Saigon here in Wichita and I always order the #49 with spring rolls. It is so good and why mess with something if it is good. That was how I thought about a lot of things. I was afraid of trying anything new, going places I never had been or even meeting new people. I kept myself very isolated from the world and it kept me safe from harm, but alone. All my recipes that I cooked with I never strayed from. I was afraid of trying out even new spices because if they didn't taste good a whole meal would be wasted. I know some of that comes from my fear of wasting food, and while that is a good fear however, through working the steps today I know that most of that fear was self centered ego. I didn't want to make something that tasted bad. I did not want to be responsible for making something that nobody liked. I did not want to be responsible for making a bad judgment call or even so much as be responsible for making a bad decision on something to eat. Basically I did not want to be responsible, in essence what that did was take away my personal power to be a responsible individual. It is so crazy to hear myself say these things today. Today is so different from then. I take chances and try different things. Sometimes they are good things and sometimes they are bad. I know that everything that I try that is different today is a learning experience, weather it is something that is a good learning experience or bad I learn more and more what I do and do not like. This teaches me more about myself. This is so different from my view of life and myself when I was using and how close minded I was to trying something different just because it may or may not be bad. Today I can take a situation or any experience and use it to learn what I like and what I don't like in everything life has to offer. That is such a gift today, because even when I have bad experiences and especially when those "life on life's terms" come and hit me square in the face I can learn from them. I am so grateful for my recovery today I have a few 24's in my belt today and it is safe to say I still have a lot of learning to do. The difference is that today I am eager to experience all that life has to offer and that is the gift of recovery for me. And in the words of the late great Rosalind Russell "Life's a Banquet, and Most Poor Suckers are Starving To Death!!" From the original movie "Auntie Mame" and for me I am no longer starving to death, so I will go to make some Fried Apples with Cranberries as a side for something different for dinner.