Sometimes when you are angry at someone it helps to sit down,
take a moment to cool off, and think what you can do
about the problem...
Today i have had issues with my anger. i don't know why, i was just angry, everything got me angry. i could not surrender and i don't know why. it was like 'self will run riot' and then some!!
i am trying to be humble about the session but it is eating my lunch. i know i have harped for a while now how i am not being heard, and i am not understood. and now it is like, is this really all about me? you know that saying i have? the plaque that sits on my wall, it rings so true, it is funny but it is not. it says; 'i know you believe you understand what you think i said, but i am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant.' it is me. it is so me.
i did not go to the gym today, so i know that hurt my attitude, my babies have the sniffles, again!! poor little things i gave them some medicine and they felt better but i am not going to expose other kids and get them sick, that is just rude!! and that is what happened to my babies!! i wish the nursery there had one of those wands, you know like the bar code wands at Walmart, and they could check to see who is sick and who is not!!
my oldest had college today, so did Wes. i have to call the school on Wednesdays and ask for 'A' to be let out early so she has time to eat before she goes to class, then i load up the kids to pick her up, we usually take about 15 minutes for this so i didn't pack anything, like a tippy cup. or extra pants...
well today we sat there in the parking lot for 40 minutes. i was fuming!! fuming!! kids with runny noses, snot plastered on their poor little faces, they are both crying because they are thirsty and i have nothing to give them!! and i am doing her a favor!! i call the attendance office and ask if she got her note, this is the 3rd time i talked to the gal today. she said she sent it over an hour and a half ago, i called at 2 this was now five after 3. then school lets out and here comes 'A'. she claims the teacher never got the note. i called her a liar i know she has a routine coming up that requires extra training, she probably thought i was going to be late so she could practice a little more.
so i let my anger get to me a lot today to say the least. i couldn't enjoy or appreciate much today and i do not like myself when i am like this. i want to blame someone else for my behaviors, typical addict thinking, and all i could think to be mad at was the session!!
i need a meeting. i have anxiety about going to one in town. addict running wild in my head not wanting me to be healthy. i don't like feeling this way and i need to feel better. i need to fix something i just don't know what, or i do know and i can't quite put my finger on it. maybe i am getting squirrely as my clean date is around the corner.
this is just where i am at today. i have faith that tomorrow will be better. i appreciate having a place to write it all down and get it out of my head. funny i trust my peeps with more of my stuff then the peeps in town. i guess it makes it easier because if i get a bad comment i can delete it, here in the real world i can't just delete someone in front of me who gossips!! that would be the next form of great technology though now wouldn't it. hhmmm... so that just leaves me with this thought; "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."- Benjamin Disraeli
i am trying to be humble about the session but it is eating my lunch. i know i have harped for a while now how i am not being heard, and i am not understood. and now it is like, is this really all about me? you know that saying i have? the plaque that sits on my wall, it rings so true, it is funny but it is not. it says; 'i know you believe you understand what you think i said, but i am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant.' it is me. it is so me.
i did not go to the gym today, so i know that hurt my attitude, my babies have the sniffles, again!! poor little things i gave them some medicine and they felt better but i am not going to expose other kids and get them sick, that is just rude!! and that is what happened to my babies!! i wish the nursery there had one of those wands, you know like the bar code wands at Walmart, and they could check to see who is sick and who is not!!
my oldest had college today, so did Wes. i have to call the school on Wednesdays and ask for 'A' to be let out early so she has time to eat before she goes to class, then i load up the kids to pick her up, we usually take about 15 minutes for this so i didn't pack anything, like a tippy cup. or extra pants...
well today we sat there in the parking lot for 40 minutes. i was fuming!! fuming!! kids with runny noses, snot plastered on their poor little faces, they are both crying because they are thirsty and i have nothing to give them!! and i am doing her a favor!! i call the attendance office and ask if she got her note, this is the 3rd time i talked to the gal today. she said she sent it over an hour and a half ago, i called at 2 this was now five after 3. then school lets out and here comes 'A'. she claims the teacher never got the note. i called her a liar i know she has a routine coming up that requires extra training, she probably thought i was going to be late so she could practice a little more.
so i let my anger get to me a lot today to say the least. i couldn't enjoy or appreciate much today and i do not like myself when i am like this. i want to blame someone else for my behaviors, typical addict thinking, and all i could think to be mad at was the session!!
i need a meeting. i have anxiety about going to one in town. addict running wild in my head not wanting me to be healthy. i don't like feeling this way and i need to feel better. i need to fix something i just don't know what, or i do know and i can't quite put my finger on it. maybe i am getting squirrely as my clean date is around the corner.
this is just where i am at today. i have faith that tomorrow will be better. i appreciate having a place to write it all down and get it out of my head. funny i trust my peeps with more of my stuff then the peeps in town. i guess it makes it easier because if i get a bad comment i can delete it, here in the real world i can't just delete someone in front of me who gossips!! that would be the next form of great technology though now wouldn't it. hhmmm... so that just leaves me with this thought; "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."- Benjamin Disraeli
