Flash Fiction Friday

every Friday write a short story, poem or prose and then

report it to the g-man!!

'thoughts swirl and flow as they sting inside

feelings too real nowhere to hide

try to reason and it makes no sense at all

like quicksand the fear reigns on, there is no one to call

i would like to say it gets better with time

but to lie so easily is such a crime'

this is what it is like inside the head of a borderline personality. this is my 55, my story today. it comes in furious and leaves everyone with a scar. to say i understand this is a lie, i am just at the beginning of my journey with this beast, i hope i survive. today is so much better and i need to focus on now, but the pain and shame it leaves me with, is too much to just let go without at least giving it some respect, so as not to get so complacent that i may forget what may come. i don't want to dwell, i want to look at it and learn from it, so it does not become who i want to be.

i am excited to not be diabetic today, i think i added a few years to my life with my new diet and exercise routine. that feels like a good accomplishment. i am proud that i did not settle for less when it came to my physical health and i have my recovery to thank for that, my recovery will get me through this as well. my recovery and my support group, including my blogging buddies. thank you guys for all your wonderful comments, they are truly, truly appreciated.

Good News!!

The Doctors office just called and told me that with how low my A1C's are that I am no longer considered diabetic!! I am still high risk but if i continue with what i am doing that will be gone in three months!!

So I am NOT DIABETIC anymore!!!! To be diabetic your A1C's are at 6.4 mine were at 6.7 3 months ago, today they are 6.0 i need them at 5.6 to be normal, I am almost there!!!

weekday update

feeling better. had a talk with Wes and while it did not sink in, he still said it and i need to hold on to that. he told me he loved me and it does not matter if the dishes are done or if he had a bad day at work or if the kids teeth are not brushed, that will not change the way he feels about me and he wants to marry me.

deep down it is what i want to hear and believe but i do not believe and not sure what will get me past that point. more therapy probably. he said he loves me and wants to walk with me through this therapy because he knows it is a terrible feeling to feel alone and unloved.

they say faith is blind, for me it is also deaf. i know i have faith, but i do not always hear or see the truth right in front of me. it takes me a while to catch up. it is like my heart does not hear the good. even if my head hears it my heart has this wall that takes longer to get the message.

today i am working a program of complete abstinence, but i ate an oreo, just one, it was not as good as i remember. then i called the doctor and found out that my A1C's were down to 6.0, that was the best news i had all week!! i need to get them down to 5.6 so in 3 months i will be diabetes free!! as long as i continue to go to the gym and stay away from starch and sugar!! it is working so far and i am very very pleased. also the doctor called me on July 8th. that was when i found out about diabetes. i took my A1C's on June 28th. so a whole week i was still eating sugar and starches. i dumped the sugar and sweets, dumped the bread and hit the gym. there was one week i did not go as the girls were sick. so all i have to do is stay on track, no more snacks as o have also dropped 5 more pounds this week. i stopped munching on almonds, and i know it is tough but i am OK and i know i can do this. if i drop 30 more pounds then i will be at my goal weight!!

went to the gym this morning and it feels good. now i am going to take my girls outside to play in this wonderful weather we are having. thanks for all your wonderful thoughts, i will stop by tonight and get some comments in. just didn't feel much like writing the past day or two.