Wednesday, June 30, 2010

sunday funnies.. repost

OK now tell me this ain't true!!

Kermit, we have a problem!!
Those crazy young cows these days!!

This makes me giggle...i know i am sicker than others..

g-man would approve, this is probably his dog Bob!!


my grandmother used to drive like this!!

This is just funny, i can't help it..

Monday, June 28, 2010

technical difficulties

we are experiencing technical difficulties... please stand by... as soon as i am done with my newsletter i will repost my sunday funnies. i apologize for any inconvenience this may cause or any giggles you may have missed out on..

Sunday, June 27, 2010

sunday funnies


you know sometimes this is soooo true!! ever been on a beach in california!!


some of us are sicker than others!!

I would have been laughing if my honey did this to me!!






grandma, get away from the water cooler!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

an honest post

borderline personality disorder is a product of your environment. my therapist is treating me for BPD. of the 9 criteria to be officially diagnonsensed with this mental illness you only have to meet 5. i met all 9. apparently the chaotic lifestyle my parents gave us growing up is a contributing factor to this. drug addiction and impulsive sexual relationships is also a symptom. i read parent of addicts blogs and i completely emphasize with them. i feel bad that their children are causing them harm emotionally, i sometimes take it on.

i read a comment the other day from a mom of an addict and she says calling it a disease is giving us an excuse for our behavior instead of accepting responsibility for it. this makes me sad. when i hear parents say 'oh i tried that nar anon it doesn't work.' what you are then showing your addicts is to continue to have a closed mind on recovery because it doesn't work for you it won't work for them. why not continue the cycle of self loathing, fear and hate we got nothing better to do right? ever heard the term lead by example? that is exactly what you are doing by refusing to see you need help for yourself in what you are being put through, you are then showing your addict they don't need help for what they are putting you through.

growing up was very chaotic. i don't blame my parents for my mistakes or my actions, i never have, that is why i am still on step 8. i think what i did to them is unforgivable and i don't want to forgive myself. in doing this i am keeping myself sick. well guess what now i have been diagnosed with another condition, BPD and if you do research you will see it stems from a chaotic home where the environment was unstable to say the least. a symptom of that illness is drug addiction. i wonder if i were fractal moms kid or mom and dad's kid would i have ever picked up that first drug. then it makes me wonder if their kids had such a great childhood why did they. i am not saying that to be sarcastic but what i read from mom and dad is they are really stable and productive people. my parents were not. i swear, my father was a drunk and party  supplier to hells angels back in the day. spent years in prison for 2 counts of involuntary manslaughter for drunk driving. my mother was a work a holic and depressed. spent her evenings laying on her bed reading a book. i took care of dinner from the age of 9. i was the one in charge of taking the checks to pac bell and the electric company when they were not paid in time. i would get on a bus and go around town to pay them. i even took my little brother and sister to their parent teacher conferences. mom and dad didn't have time. my father allowed my pervert uncle to live with us. he walked in on him molesting me and beat him up and put him back in his room, with my little brother. yeah. i came from a very unstable home. one time i walked in from school and my little brother was hanging himself from the stair case. i cut him down. he was 10.

i wonder when i hear parents who cannot comprehend or emphasize or even open their eyes to the possibility that something is wrong, were they this close minded when their babies were young?
i know it hurts, i know the path of destruction an addict leaves behind is devastating. sometimes we are just doing the best we were taught. sometimes that is all we know. survival. survival at the animal level.

today i can accept the fact that i am an addict, i have a DISEASE called addiction. I am not responsible for my addiction, I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY RECOVERY. it is now my choice to recover. if it were not for my program and the work i do in my steps i would not be able to look, with an open mind, at this underlying BPD. am i angry at my parents, no, they did the best they could, the only thing they knew how. they loved me, they were not perfect, non of us is or will be. this is me, this is my life, this is who i am. i can go to my therapy and meetings and work my program and take care of me so i can take care of my children that they may not have the same hardships. do i think this means they won't ever pick up? absolutely not. but i know where to go if i ever need help with that. this is a mixture of anger and coming to acceptance in my post. i have not had time to blog much lately as i am super busy with life. i have lost 22 pounds and continuing with weight watchers it is really working i have a great idea for cookbook and graphic arts and still struggle with the fact that i do not have an income but i need to take care of me and i am blessed with a provider to give me that time.

i didn't mean to offend anyone with this post. i have not posted any personal stuff lately and i felt like i was lying to my readers. i needed to get this out of my head.

sometimes i wish i had someone like fractal mom or mom and dad or lou who try so hard for their kids sometimes it feels like my parents didn't. sometimes i am jealous of those kids who seem so spoiled, but then i am grateful for where i am at. i guess i really read those blogs because i really miss my mom and dad. i really appreciate those parents out there who try so hard.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Fathers Day!!

this was his gift this year. we went to Things Remembered in the mall for a frame the other day, boy that is a dangerous store to take a 3 and 4 year old little girl into. i found a picture frame and they engraved it from the girls to go on his desk at work. been cooking all day made a 3 point quiche for breakfast we had some wonderful beef stir fry wraps at 3 points each for lunch and we are getting ready to have burritos, 2 points each, for dinner. i made a 2.5 point peach and blueberry cobbler for dessert. i am down 22 pounds now and have about 30 recipes for the book, the family loves trying them out. and the girls helped to cook as well. i mowed the front yard in about 100 degree heat, oops, that was stupid, but i will finish later. gotta get back to cooking now, have a great weekend ya'll

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

trying to slow down

when i was using, i thought life was boring and i was bored with nothing to do. that is not the case today. i have a newsletter that is over due, fliers to make 4 panel presentations coming up a booth to set up at National Night Out, step work, therapy, weight ins, plus meals , chores, licenses to renew, paperwork to fill out, phone calls to make, and a new sponsor!!

  i am working on the newsletters now, we have physical therapy this morning for "A" and then the gym. I have lost 20 pounds on weight watchers so i am keeping that up really well. last night I made this shrimp and pineapple wrap, it was so good and 2 servings was only 3.5 points!! i had 5 points left over yesterday that i didn't use of my daily points!! i made a bilingual pull tab flier that i need to go get printed off for the community meeting on July 13, i still need to get the literature rack delivered, we started 3 new meetings for the hispanic group, friday we are doing a spanish flier drive to let the community know we have new meetings. there is a panel presentation on the 25, i just stepped up and took it over from the PI chair who had no idea what to do with it. if i stepped on toes i  apologize, it was just something that was being drug along and not getting done so now it is.

I have a new sponsor, i called my sponsor twice last friday and then on monday and still have not heard from her. so i asked someone else to sponsor me. i was going to tell my sponsor but she never called me back or answered her phone. i went to a noon meeting yesterday and it was great. life is so busy, my garden is drowning in the second coming of moses!! is everyone out there staying dry in this weather!! or is it just the mid west?

I am going to make some delicious coffee, some oatmeal for the kids, and try to catch up on my peeps before we have to go. i hope all is well out there, my recipes are starting to add up, i still don't know how many to put in a book. i guess this would be more of a good eating guide and a lesson book to show people how to cook, the basics, the right ingredients, low cost and healthy, and how to involve the whole family. my little ones are demanding their morning chocolate milk.. i love my girls!!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

saturday thoughts

so my brother in law is coming in from texas today. we wait here for him and his girls, they met us last christmas for the first time and the girls are anxious to see their cousins again.
  i am going to a group conscious, business meeting in NA at one of the english groups in town to ask if the spanish group can use their meeting hall 2x's a week for a meeting. kind of nervous.
  the community corrections went well. we did not get our literature or business cards in time so i made some. actually the ones i made came out better then the professional ones and we are sending them back. area is tomorrow and i am really nervous about it. we have 4 more panel presentations to the community and a huge opportunity to get NA out on national night out. we will see what happens.
today i looked and i have a tomato!! i did dust my zucchini yesterday and i feel terrible about it. but there were squash bugs flying everywhere and i have 10 baby zucchini going and don't want to lose that fruit. i am starting fresh plants indoors though, i was just buying these fruit some time.
i missed the funeral for my friend but the panel went so well we are so stoked about the opportunities for service. the police want our meeting schedules and a city wide panel presentation and my members are willing to continue working with me to do these presentations!! i went to a meeting last night and i am going to hit a noon next week and get out of my comfort zone. so hopefully tomorrow i can control my temper and not let angry hateful personalities get the better of me. that is my nervousness. but if i have to stand up for my group and my people i will. there is prejudice and it doesn't matter where you go it does exist. there is a language barrier and fear. we need to work through this to help addicts get clean. that is our primary purpose and hopefully we do not lose focus tomorrow because of strong personalities who want to be a block to progress for what ever reason. please pray for me that i can be graceful and humble tomorrow that is all i want. to be able to serve my fellowship without the emotional baggage i seem to carry around. thanks so much for stopping by and leaving comments it is a wonderful gift, this internet and i appreciate my community!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Flash Fiction Friday- question of the day

Every Friday write a short story, poem or prose. Even your thoughts
in 55 words, use no more, use no less, unless you just can't think of any...
then report it to the g-man!!

"With a chance to grin and dance 
take each moment to your heart
a minute is fleeting it won't come back
irritations of the day waste moments you could treasure
are the dishes so important you forget to have pleasure
if we take it all back and start it all over
would we have no regrets?"

Here ya go G-Man!! i was thinking of what to write when my honey was complaining about the dishes. my therapist told me to write such things that bothered me down, so here it is. you know it doesn't bother me. now so it worked!!

Monday, June 7, 2010

monday update

i wish i had something funny to write about today. it has been a rough week. my friends daughter died. we have the viewing today, prayer service tonight and the funeral tomorrow. i will go to the viewing today for a bit, but i have prior commitments so i cannot go to the funeral. i am heading to the gym in a minute. i have lost 16 pounds since i started weight watchers. i even created a 2 point cookie recipe!! chocolate chip of course. i make the best cookies. i was going to post it but i am tired of giving everything away, i think i am going to put a cook book together. low cal, low sodium and great tasting. god knows i have had tons of practice with all this nonsense. well i looked at the weight watchers online and they have great recipes but they use the most expensive ingredients you can find. i use what i have in the cupboard i have a family of 5 and a budget. i want to create a budget friendly, family fun cookbook that anyone can use. i even have a 1 point pancake, the kids love to help. i think it is valuable to teach kids to cook you would be amazed at how many people today do not cook. so i am working on that.
as far as the daycare goes, i need to start advertising, now that i know about when we will be moving i can take kids on a part time basis. the summer. we paid off the truck which feels absolutely amazing!! two years ahead of schedule!!! so now we are saving for closing costs then we will put a bid on our house. if it is sold however, we know a contractor who can build our dream home for the price we are looking for!! i am so blessed. we have scrimped and saved and now we are getting our dream home!!

so for my service work, i typed up 5 scripts for the community corrections. we are presenting to 60 probation officers. i am facilitating. tomorrow i go to project safe streets to see about raising awareness and having other community events to host workshops in. this past weekend we attended the multicultural event at the baseball stadium. this weekend we have our area business meeting and i am very afraid after last months debacle. i yelled at the groups and our public information chair, it sucked. in the meantime the hispanic group is still not on the area meeting schedules, since our chair is fighting tooth and nail to keep us from being on there. yet it is because of the hispanic group that the area has this opportunity to present to the community corrections probation officers. we are the ones doing this footwork. i can't talk any more about it i am getting too nervous

i need to go to the gym take a shower then go to the viewing. write up a bunch of reports for this weekend, tomorrow i have the presentation then i am cooking for the family, we are all pitching in to take food to my girlfriends family, then on wednesday 'a' has pt, then we have the final rehearsal before the presentation then on thursday the big presentation then counseling then weigh in, i will probably lose weight just from nerves alone. sometimes life is so fast i feel i can't keep up. i hope you all have a wonderful week, enjoy your family, hug your babies extra hard and don't forget to tell them how much they mean to you. we are not meant to be here forever.

Friday, June 4, 2010

flash, awe who am i kidding there are not 55 words here

Hey momma don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys!! OK OK I can't come up with 55 words, but this is too funny to pass up.  i shouldn't find this funny I have kids!! check out g-man and tell him i found his long lost brother Spike  the doctors say he will be OK.

it was close though!!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

tuesday funnies, thinking of g-man!!

What is sold around the World
Truth is stranger than fiction, I can't make this up!
Supermarket products from around the world ...



‘Be gone’, I say!.


Not to be confused with ‘Hetero’ sausage.


Insect repellent? Are you sure that’s what it’s for?

If offered one, not what I'd be expecting.


Hmmm... g-mans 2 favorite things in one throw away container

Soooo refreshing!


Only one thing better than regular Shito – new, improved Shito.


I hope they come with instructions?


So much better than old, stale ‘cok’!


Well of course, ‘Asse’ just had to be chocolate..


I really shouldn’t find this funny....

Wow ! - if only THIS came in a beer can!!


Hard to refuse!

And they said it couldn’t be bottled.

I hope your giggling now, i know i am!! i was going to post some garden pics but this was too funny to pass up!!